I’m so sick of sitting at my desk at work crying almost every day. I’m sick of never having anyone to talk to because everyone in my life is selfish and doesn’t actually care about me at all. I can’t even find a therapist to talk to and get some of this stuff off my chest because no one in the area that accepts my insurance ever has any openings, I’ve been trying for 6+ months. I just feel stuck in life and I want out. The only thing in this world stopping me from just leaving it is my son and my second son on the way. I hate that I have to work full time because my husband is too unstable to work. I don’t get to stay at home with my 1.5 year old because we need money obviously, and then there’s my husband who stays home but makes me find other people to watch him because he can’t handle him being a toddler. He can’t handle when he gets emotional for no reason, when he doesn’t understand what he’s saying, or basically is anything other than happy. I sit here stressed out hearing all the bullshit going on at home, just wishing I could be there with my baby instead of everyone else, and yet I can’t. Part of me wants to leave my husband and just do everything on my own since I basically am anyway, but yet I can’t get myself to because he’s the only adult I have in my life that I can actually talk to and be myself with. I have no friends, my family judges me and talks behind my back no matter what I do, and I just can’t handle it on my own anymore. I want a husband who treats my son(s) is the most loving and patient way possible and who will actually work and help support our family. I feel bad blaming my husband, because I know it’s his mental disorder that he can’t control, but I do. I resent him for everything we’ve been through and for always promising me that I would be a stay at home mom until our kids were in school and then making it so I had to go back to work when my son was only 1. I’m so thankful for the year I got with him, but i cry almost every day knowing that no one is taking care of him how I would. My husband has no empathy or patience, my mom never feeds him enough because she seems to think he doesn’t eat much (he’s always starved when I get him back from her and she tells me what she feeds him and it’s always super small amounts of each thing), and my sisters kids smother him and he hates his personal space being invaded and she just thinks it’s cute/funny. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with all of this.

Some examples of what my husband says about taking care of our son, just so you see what I’m dealing with. Our son is 16 months old.

It’s hard because our plan has been to get out of this town because this place and the people are toxic, and I’m just scared that if I leave him then I won’t ever be able to leave. And that’s all I want right now is to get the hell away from here. I want a fresh start, but is that possible of a 23 year old single mom of soon to be 2 under 2? I don’t think so 😞 it’s like I lose no matter what I decide to do.