Non Existent Sex (Fetish)

My husband and I have known each other 6 years (married for 3 years) and we have a very happy and loving marriage. We are best friends, we do every together, he is kind and thoughtful, makes me laugh.. everything about our life together is perfect. Except that we are lucky if we have sex once a month...

My husband has a foot/tickle fetish, which has always been ok with me (he has always been self conscious about it). I have always supported him and indulged in his fantasies with him and enjoy seeing him happy. However, for him to be fully aroused and for us to actually have sex, he needs to have that tickling foreplay or it’s physically not possible. Where most men are more interested in breasts, my husband prefers feet. So I have never really experienced the typical sexual touches with him that most people have during foreplay or during sex.

The first 3-4 years of our relationship, we had sex roughly once a week or every other week (which is fine, we are busy adults and sometimes thats how it is.). I was happy with that and did not mind. Within the last year or two, sex has really slowed down and we are lucky to have sex once a month or once every other month.

I have tried expressing to him that I would like to be intimate with him more, and when I bring it up in conversation he says almost the same thing every time “I know, we really need to work on that more. But if you’re more ticklish and initiate it, then it would be easier for me”. Ok no problem. So I keep my toes painted and wear pretty toe rings to get his attention.. I put my feet up on the couch where he can see them and try to be playful. In the past, that was a surefire way to get him aroused and ready for sex. Now, he will tickle them, kiss or bite my toes some, but then it’s almost like he loses interest and nothing ever becomes of it. Most recently I did this after a fun date night out... we came home, both a bit buzzed and I put on these really pretty barefoot sandals. I literally put my feet in his lap and again, it didn’t go any further than playing with my feet a little and that was it. I was completely deflated and disappointed.

If I try push the discussion of sex further with him, he usually shuts down and feelings get hurt (like I said before, he’s very self conscious about it and has this “shame” that he’s not like other men in that way).

I’m at the point now where I just really want to have intimate touches from my husband (kiss me on the neck, touch my breasts or the inside of my legs.. anything to make me feel excited/wanted/aroused..). I find myself fantasizing about having really fun and passionate sex with other men, and I know it’s so wrong. We were late to a function with friends and one joking asked “are you guys late because you pulled over to have sex?” And I just laughed and thought to myself “I would f****** kill to be able to have sex in a car on a whim with my husband..”

I don’t know if it’s advice I’m seeking, or if I just need to vent.. but mostly I’m hoping maybe there’s one other person in the world who is in a similar situation. I just want to feel intimate with my husband again and I don’t know how to do it without having another emotionally charged conversation that leads to tears. 😔 And I don’t want to seek intimacy outside our relationship, but I find myself fantasizing about it more and more..

Thanks for reading...

~ Miranda