Oh ladies, please send love, hugs, prayers, anything I'm upset. My little boy Joe is 8 days old (on Thursday) at his 5 day check he had lost more than the acceptable weight loss (10% in the UK). He was only 30g under the threshold. Midwife said she was putting us on a 48 hour feeding program involving timed feeds, offering both breasts per feed, pumping and top up feeds every three hours. She was trying to push formula on us, which I was really upset about. We'd been doing really well at feeding in demand and I was happy I had a good latch and baby was feeding well. I was convinced that the too great a loss was cicunstancial - my milk was delayed due to planned c section so had oly just come in on the morning of day 5. Plus baby hadn't pooped for ages and had just done a massive huge poo just before he was put on the scale.

Ademant that I knew best I refused the formula, and after a couple of cycles we ditched the top up feed too, as it was by cup and baby seemed full after having both breasts, and the whole thing was taking just over two hours, meaning that I had around a 45 minute break for sleeping each cycle and not much else. I was convinced it was just circumstances so I wasn't that concerned, and Joe seemed to be feeding well, alert and with the right amount of Nappies.

The midwife came back after 48 hours, and Joe has lost another two grams. I know it's not much but they're meant to gain around 30g per day and if course he was already behind and lost too much.

I feel absolutely horrified my instinct was wrong, and incredibly guilty that I am harming my baby. I though he was well fed as he sits in the breast for around an hour each feed, but the midwife said he's probably drained it loads quicker and is just sitting there either for comfort or waiting for more. She has put us on another 48 hour feeding program which has ramped up intensity of terms of pumping and the top up we have to give him which is 25ml by cup per feed. We are using one cycle of pumped milk to feed to him the next as I'm only able to pump around 20-30 ml per three hour cycle.

My left nipple is damaged due to poor technique, baby won't feed from it and I have to rest it from feeding for 24 hours. I'm getting less and less from it each cycle now. First I got 30ml, then only 22 and this time only 17. I thought pumping was meant to increase my supply? Maybe 3 hours is just too soon for it to replenish. I might not pump it on the next cycle and let it fill back up. I have a small stock in my fridge of around 60ml so I should have enough to suplliment when I'm able to pump. I'm also draining the other breast once baby has finished feeding from it.

Ugh I am so upset I've literally spent the last 12 hours sobbing. I'm determined to keep going with breast feeding. I'm going to pop along to the ward tomorrow and sit with the midwives just for some more support and to check I'm doing the latch properly. I feel so disheartened.

It's exhausting. I start at 10pm and am finished around 12.10, head off for a nap and have to set my alarm for 12.50... And then it starts again. We were already feeling exhausted, as Joe won't sleep anywhere other than being cuddled. I'm terrified that the lack of sleep is going to lead to an accident and one of us falling asleep whilst holding our baby. I'm concerned that the stress and anxiety is going to affect my supply and of course I'm concerned for Joe, he hates drinking from a cup it's completely unnatural and half the time he seems full after being given both breasts.often he's not hungry that soon and we have to make him distressed deliberately so that he then wants Nursing for comfort. Every inch of my body tells me this is wrong, but I thought that last time and I was wrong - he didn't gain weight. I don't want to bottle feed and I don't want to give him formula. We are just going to have to suck it up and be exhausted for this 48 hours and force feed Joe so he puts on some weight. I'm just terrified I'm doing the wrong thing.

If you've actually read all of this, thank you. I don't really know if I'm looking for advice, just someone to talk to really and wondering if anyone else has been through this, and if I'm doing the wrong thing by continuing to try and breastfeed or if I should use formula for the sake of both Joe and our ability to get some sleep and save some time...