Hardest/Easiest decision...

Today I found out I’m pregnant. Wtf? My husband and I have a 10 month old baby girl. It took us at least 3 months of trying to conceive her. I’m still in shock.

I have so many things I want to do with our daughter. I was planning on things being just the 3 of us for a while.

I stopped taking my birth control pills about 2 months ago because they were giving me crippling anxiety. It was awful. I never told my husband I stopped taking them. He says it isn’t fair I knew I could get pregnant but he didn’t. I totally agree. It’s not fair. I was careful to have sex when I wasn’t ovulating, but who knows..

This is NOT the right time for baby #2. I took the year out of work to stay home with our girl and things are getting super tight financially. My mom is even helping us with bills right now. I can’t go back to work until August. Our plan was to save my paychecks next year and hopefully start looking for a larger home in about a year. Our house now is too small for us as it is. And then what would I do? Go back to work for a few months and then go out again with no pay? Or go back to work after a short leave? How would that be fair to the new baby?

I’m not even working right now and I feel like I can’t even keep up. How would I do it with another infant? I don’t want to take away from my daughters life. I want to play on the floor with her and run around.. not be exhausted all the time.

My husband is making this seem like it is all my choice. He says he agrees with me. We were not expecting this AT ALL. It still doesn’t seem real. It’s not the right time.

I feel that I’ve already made my choice. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Advise? Sympathy? Just to get things off my chest?