I had been TTC since June of last year and had just gotten the news that my husband has motility issues in December. I felt hopeless and upset but the holidays distracted me. Sure enough, that was the cycle I got pregnant. I didn’t find out until 14 DPO and the same day I found out I started bleeding heavily- even more so than a period. I thought for sure it was over. Then the first week of hcg blood tests were great- it had more than doubled each time so my doctor said wait another week before the next test. The next test came and things had stalled. They tested me one more time and then told me for sure it was not a viable pregnancy and on top of that it Could be ectopic. I had never been so scared in my life. It turned out to be a normal miscarriage and for that I am truly grateful (never thought I’d say those words...) I took a cycle off from TTC and just started again in March. AF came right on time and I honestly feel more depressed now that right after my miscarriage. It feels more hopeless than ever and like getting pregnant in December with my husbands motility issues was this once in a blue moon miracle that slipped away so easily. My cousin announced today she is pregnant and due in September which is when I was supposed to be due too. I just feel so sad and alone. I keep wanting to just say ‘ screw it!’ And stop trying but it’s literally not in my blood to do that. Every cycle I can’t help but track

And try and wait and wonder... I’m not sure how much longer I can go. June 2019 will mark a full year and all I’ve gotten out of this journey to date is disappointment and heartache.