Feeling defeated

Katarena • Flower child with a rock and roll soul

On 2-28 I had to have an unplanned C-section to welcome my little guy into the world. First I started to have regrets over my whole birth process. They gave me pitocin to speed along my labor because my water broke but I wasn't really dilated. I didn't get a choice in that matter. It put me in extreme pain, it didn't help that I was extremely dehydrated and they didn't give me any fluids. Nurses barely even checked on me, until 5am (I went in at 10pm) when my Aunt started her shift. She immediately took over and made sure I was actually taken care of. After 15 hours of labor I was dilated 9 1/2cm and couldn't get any farther. From all the irritation my cervix started to become swollen and my dilation went backwards. So I had to get the epidural, that I didn't want, so I could rest so maybe the swelling could go down. After a half hour the baby's heartbeat started to drop. Upon farther inspection they realized his head was in the wrong position and he was stuck, so I had no choice but to get the C-section. Fast forward to now. I'm almost 5-weeks PP. My incision has been healing almost perfectly, my uterus on the other hand refuses to heal. I keep taking handfuls of antibiotics because I've been fighting infection. It makes me extremely sore and I have a hard time doing anything. I go back to the doctors today and we have to take a different route of action because after three weeks I still haven't improved any. The next step is to go to ultrasound to see if any surgery materials were left behind. And if not I may have to be re-hospitalized for constant monitoring until I recover. The worst part is the doctor says I'm not doing anything wrong, this just happens sometimes.I just feel defeated. But fingers crossed, maybe we'll find someone out today.