I cheated on three of my ex boyfriends/ and i was a sidechick (LONG POST!!)

I know some of y’all are going to seriously judge me and if all you’re going to do is be mean then simply ignore the post or I’ll just hide the comments. This is a place for people to share secrets with confidence.

So here is my story..........

When i was 16 i met a guy at college (Kyle) and I really liked him, we were not together when we went on our “first date” and about 4-6 hours after our date ended, i slept with a guy (Chris) i knew and the sex was painful and he used me, thats the only reason I regret it. Well a couple days after this he claimed me as his girlfriend and i was thinking..... well you never asked me out. But i went along with it, and i cheated on him with my ex (Connor number 1), we had oral sex and i only regret that because of the person i cheated with...... i do feel bad for that but.... i dont know.

The second time i cheated on a boyfriend (Anthony) i was 20 and had been with him for about 2 and a half years.... well the last 6 months of the relationship were so hard, i was drifting away and the relationship got boring and i was falling out of love with him. The last two i was pretty much done with it. But i was scared to leave because he said if i ever left him he would commit suicide. I was so lonely and depressed. Well before i started uni i met another student on a Facebook group (Luke) and I thought he was gorgeous. If we ever flirted i let it happen, and i invited him over to my student apartment just me and him one night to have pizza. We were sitting on the floor at the bottom of my bed eating pizza and he starts flirting with me and i do it back. He tickled me and i ended up on top of him, but my legs were hurting as i had been clubbing that night so i got off him. Well when we got up and sat normally, we almost kissed but i stopped myself, I really wanted to kiss him, i wanted him so bad.... but something clicked in my brain, like it was telling me that i need to stop and that enough was enough. Or so I thought.

One night i was drunk and with my friend out clubbing and we met up with two guys that i met before uni started. Well one of the guys (Connor number 2, who is the next ex i cheated on) started flirting with me and i let him, never stopped him. And we held hands that night, not because i was drunk but because i wanted to feel that touch from another man and it felt good. And i started to develop feelings for Connor (i was over the luke thing by this point). I wanted Connor more than anything, after that night me and Connor would FaceTime every single night for hours, whilst i told Anthony that i was on the phone to my friend Amy and he believed me. Well one day I plucked up the courage to leave Anthony, he still manipulated me by saying he would kill himself...... but i did it. I left and a week later, me and Connor (2) got into a relationship and it went even further downhill from there.......

Connor (2) considered himself a bit of a Don Lothario and thought he could get any woman in the world. Well i loved the relationship at first, we saw eachother once every 2 weeks (even though we lived close but I didn’t see this at first). Well he cheated on me with a girl at uni, he kissed her when they were at her house party. He was going to hide it but i found out by going on his Facebook account. Well i stayed and forgave him. I guess yo could say that’s my karma and honesty i agree. Well i cheated on him twice with two different people, both emotionally. One time with a guy who i wont give much detail on , he was a bad and sick person who was good at manipulating people...... thats all im going to say on him as a person and i have known him since i was 14. I was vulnerable, stupid and a messed up girl lets face it. He had a fiance at the time and yes i knew and no I didn’t stop the affair we had. We would send nudes, tell eachother we loved eachother, we planned to meet up and have sex and be romantic with eachother. We would give details on how we would make love to eachother and how he would eventually leave her to be with me (so stupid).

The thing with this guy went on for about 2 months and i stopped it because I couldn’t take it, it was not worth it. All of this messed up shit lead to me feeling more depressed. I had been suffering with depression for about 2/3 years at that point. I was suicidal, because after i found out Connor cheated, he emotionally abused extremely.... i was so fucked up, he would torture me about her all the time. Well in January I attempted suicide and landed in hospital for the night. I went home early that morning and Connor didn’t seem to give a shit.

Well we broke up and then got back together (huge mistake). Well after the second time we got together i still was severely depressed and i found comfort in a good friend of his and mine (David). We didn’t do anything, i just started to have feelings for him, he was there for me, took me to the beach and hung out with me, made more effort as a friend more than Connor could boyfriend. I never acted on these feelings, but i wanted too, i was messed up. Eventually me and david stopped talking and me and Connor broke up in the end.

Well thats the end of my fucked up story. I was very stupid and young and depressed (these are NOT excuses). I did some horrible and disgusting things and i messed up over and over. Overall im extremely disgusted and disappointed with myself ..... i cant believe i stooped this low multiple times. Believe it or not, i have changed. I went to therapy and i got better. I am now with a fantastic man and yes he knows about my dark stuff and he knows i would never do it to him. I would rather die than EVER cheat on my fiance. Im very stupid and disgusting for my actions and i have moved on and have healed and just know.... you can too.

Over and out ❤️

Thank you for the comments so far guys. Yeah I completely agree my actions were horrible back then and i wish i could go back to when i was 16 and change everything from then on. The thought of any kind of betrayal is just sickening to me now, no way in hell would i throw my wonderful relationship away , no matter how hard it gets.