I’m torn and lost

This sounds awful what I’m about to say. On October 31st I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy I went to baby doctor appointments I fell in love with it’s heart beat. However, my boyfriend of 2 years was extremely unsupportive. He’d tell me how a baby is going to ruin my body. He told me how much hate I’m going to get. He talked about how he would never talk to me again and how he would never be apart of that babies life. Which hurt I grew up without a dad but I didn’t want the same for my baby. I was kept from mine I couldn’t imagine having my baby grow up not being around him. Which he can be a very nice guy just not when I’m pregnant. I walked away from the abortion clinic 4 times. The 5th time I called him he was sitting in the lobby I told him I didn’t want to do this and he told me he’d leave me and make me walk home (I lived 40 minutes away) so I don’t think I was thinking but I let a little baby I loved so much go. I regret it so much and I think about it constantly. January 10 was the date. Fast forward to now on March 20 I found out I am pregnant again. Stupid that’s what I am a complete fucking idiot. I tried telling my boyfriend knowing how it would go. But simply myself I feel nothing towards this baby because of how much I miss my first. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle something like this again but then again I don’t feel like it’s right giving up a baby I really loved to keep one that I have no connection or feelings for right now. My boyfriend keeps telling me how sorry he is and is trying to be there. All I have to talk to who isn’t a complete idiot is my sister and she told me that she doesn’t think I’m emotionally and physically healed from my first that I’m better off getting a medical abortion soon. Anyways I just don’t know what the right thing to do is at this point. I was on the pill I don’t really like how the depo shot makes me feel I must’ve accidentally missed a day or something. I just need peoples thoughts. I’m heartbroken I’m even thinking about doing this but it just doesn’t feel right so soon and especially because it won’t have a father apart of it’s life.:(