To the FTM mom's, you are not alone!

I want to share my experience postpartum, as I'm a FTM and felt very alone with my emotions and journey post baby. My sweet boy is just over 5 weeks old and these past few weeks all feel like a blur but yet the most amazing experience that I'll hold dear to my heart forever. The first couple weeks were very rough for me emotionally. I struggled terribly with depression and anxiety, felt very alone and isolated and was trying to recover from labor which was NOT what I expected. Recovery was hard and a lot worse than I thought, my body felt like it got hit by a truck and I did NOT know how hard it would be to simply walk or get up (I gave birth vaginally but was induced). I struggled a lot mentally and did not know why. I felt I should be so incredibly happy to have my healthy baby boy home with us and in our arms, but instead I was sad and anxiety ridden. I felt incredibly guilty for feeling this way and kept it bottled up which made it worse. I started to slowly talk about it to family as each passing day got worse and I was a mess. As my hormones starting to balance out, I slowly started to feel better. And now I can confidently say, 5 weeks PP I feel so much better. I'm starting to feel more like myself again and really getting into the groove of being a new mom. I'm feeling more confident in my abilities to care for my baby and know his cues which has helped tremendously. Looking back on these past few weeks I can genuinely say they were probably the hardest weeks I've ever been through, physically and emotionally. The shock of actually having a little human that depends on you 24/7 and the lack of routine due to breastfeeding on demand etc. was really hard to digest at first but now I look at my little man and can't imagine my life without him. Becoming a new mom is life changing in more ways than I expected but it's so wonderful. Baby blues are a real thing and so is postpartum depression. Please do not hold in your feelings as they are completely normal and do not be ashamed or feel guilty for the way you feel. Talk to friends and family. I felt like such an awful mom but we have to understand and give ourselves some grace for what we just went through from pregnancy, labor and postpartum recovery all while your body and hormones are going through so many changes. To all you new moms out there, give yourself a pat on the back, you are doing a great job!