When does it get easier?

My daughter is almost one year old and I’ve been back at work since she was four months.

Most days are ok, I miss her but our nanny brings her by our work (my husband and I work together) once a day for a visit for about an hour. We also have the added convenience of not having to pick her up or drop her off anywhere.

Starting in June, she’s going to be going to daycare full time. This is not by choice but because of the financial burden that having a private nanny has laid on us. This daycare is used by our cousins and we trust the caregiver. I’m just absolutely beside myself that I will be losing my daily visits at work. And the pick up and drop off is going to take away precious time.

Almost on a weekly basis I find myself crying because I just miss her. I feel like I’m away too much. How is it fair that I am at work 9 hours of the day and only spend about 3 with my baby?? It’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. I don’t know how to get over it and I don’t know when I’m going to feel better about it.

Staying home isn’t an option for me. We have discussed all the possibilities and it’s just not possible for us to lose the extra income and health insurance.

I’m just hoping this feeling will lessen with time but it hasn’t in eight months 😢