I hav been very sick while pregnant. I’ve had infections in my lungs, face, throat, and been contagious. I’ve been bed ridden and isolated for nearly a month.

At my last appointment, my doctors told me the best thing I can do is to stay home. They don’t want me going to the store. Going to school. Going to church or anywhere. I feel like I’m under house arrest. And for the most part, I’ve obeyed. The reasoning was my immune system is so compromised and the viruses I’ve had are so high in our area the odds of a third relapse is high. And they’ve hit a wall of meds they can safely give me without risking my baby. Pretty much, it’s important to try and stay as healthy as possible until the birth.

Which is why my entire family decided to get the stomach bug. My son started puking. His lasted less than 24 hours. But my husband had it for 5 days. He was massively sick and is just now regaining his strength. My mom took my kids this week to try and alleviate the stress and the risk of spreading. I’ve worn a mask and gloves. Put my husband in isolation. Bleached, lysoled, Clorox, cleaned everything multiple times. All while trying to keep him out of the hospital. He’s been really really ill. And breaking my doctors orders. I can’t live in isolation. We needed groceries and meds and Gatorade.

My kids were supposed to come home today. They are tired of being with grandma. Not that my mom and dad aren’t great. But I’ve been so sick and they’ve spent a lot of time up at my parents house. My little boy asked me when he could come home and I cried. I hate not having them home. He loves going to visit but he’s begged to come home. He says he misses his family and he wants to come home. It’s almost Easter which is big in our family. He wants to go to the big egg hunt and see his friends.

I was supposed to get them this morning when my mom texted me. It was early. “Are you up?” And somehow, I felt in my gut something was wrong. I responded and half an hour later she still hadn’t called or text me back. I called.

My youngest began puking in the night.

My mom who is 60 sounded exhausted and upset and frustrated. Of course she is! She’s had my kids now for a while. And while she’s in great shape, she’s getting older. And taking on my two 24/7 and a second round of puke...even when I was a kid, she could handle any sickness except stomach. She’s just not a great nurse when it comes to vomit. Hysterically, I tend to be quick acting and unbothered by puke.

Except right now because we have literally bent over backwards for me to avoid getting anything else. A stomach bug for me this late and this compromised in the pregnancy would almost surely mean a hospital stint.

My youngest baby isn’t even 2. And if it runs like my husband, it could be rough. Diapers and vomit for a baby that young there is no hit the toilet. He just puked anywhere. In this case all over the bed.

I told my mom I’d drive there and get him. She said no. She’s kept them too long to avoid me getting sick or them getting the infections I’ve had. She’s not about to send him home so ill. And he wouldn’t do well on the mountain drive. Twisting roads would likely cause him to feel worse.

But she sounds fried. I feel so helpless. I’ve already been crying because I feel like for the last month I’ve deferred all my mommy duties to my parents. Between doctors and hospital, I’ve not had much choice. But I was ready for them to come home. They were ready.

I feel so defeated. I don’t want that bug back in this house. The risk of my other child getting it again is high even at my moms. My husband is just barely recovering. And I cannot catch anything else. My body just can’t take it. I’m

Already worried about the baby from months of illness. And struggling to regain my strength as it is.

I’ve cried myself to sleep because I’m so worn and frustrated. Everything still hurts in my body. And I’m tired of relying on everyone. To hear my mom sound so upset has broken me. I don’t know what to do. If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d already be on the road to my boys. Even if I had to keep them at her house. But the risk to our unborn baby is so great. I feel trapped.

I have 5 weeks until my due date. I just want to give birth and have my family be okay. It’s become absurd. And despite vitamins and cleaning and isolation, I can’t seem to get my family back together.

I’m so emotional and broken.