postpartum anxiety

hi everyone. so exactly a month ago today i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and i love him with all my heart. with birth and being a first time mom comes so many emotions, highs and lows, as we all know. i’ve had anxiety my whole life but after birth it has definitely spiked. well, ever since my son has been born everyone has been saying “oh my gosh i can’t wait until his first words, or his first steps, his first ice cream

cone...” etc. and whenever anyone says something like this i get this overwhelming amount of guilt because i can’t even picture any of it. I can’t picture him doing any of those things it’s almost as if i can’t visualize a future for him and idk why that’s scaring me so much and making me feel like the worst human being/mom ever. has anyone else experienced this before? not being able to visualize like everyone else seems to do and is so excited to do?? i feel so terrible. i hate it :( i hate having anxiety because it makes me second guess and freak out about everything. this is one of those things.