I usually don’t tell my story because it makes me uncomfortable and causes ptsd and deep depression but since April is Awareness month I can do this. The first time I was assaulted I had just turned 13. My mom just had a hysterectomy and was in pain. I went and stayed the night at my friends house. We were having a blast up until about 8-9 pm I got a call from my boyfriend at the time saying he was going to break up with me because his mom said I was a “blonde slut. I was heart broken and my friend was trying to help me get my mind off it for a while. That year I was diagnosed with two types of seizures and I was out in new meds so I had to take sleeping medicine to help me sleep. I was getting ready for bed and took my pills as I did every night. I finally started to get sleepy when I heard the bedroom door open. I thought it was my friends little sister and it was but she had her bother who was the same age as I was maybe a little older. They wanted to prank me and their sister and make it look like we were lesbians at least that’s what he told his little sister. He told her to go get something and when she left he locked her out of the room my friend was already dead asleep. He started to get close to me so close I could feel his breath on my neck. He stared to whisper in my ear it’s okay baby it’s okay as he lifted my shirt up slowly feeling my body he put his hand up my bra and moved it so he could see my breasts. He would move his hand slowly up and down my stomach have asleep I tried to move and kick him but he got closer and started to lick my body as he was still whispering in my ear over and over again. He tried to get my shorts off but couldn’t and that’s when he grabbed his phone. All I could hear were clicks the sound of a camera of him taking pictures of my naked body then I heard the ding of a sent message. He finally left the room and I passed out he must have sensed I was awake and left. Until I woke up I didn’t realize what may have happened. The next day I woke up bleeding I thought I got my period but it wasn’t. I don’t know if I was raped that night but I do remember his hands touching every inch of my body. To this day I still wonder if he came back in the room that night. I was assaulted again at the age of 16 by my sisters boyfriend at the time. We were in our way to see my step sister in Geordie I fell asleep in the car and long story short he slipped his hands under my shorts and I froze he started fingering me and I tried to move but my body wouldn’t let me I was in complete shock. My sister was sleeping in the seat beside him while my mom was driving and my step dad in the passenger seat and nobody saw him. I finally told my mom a day later at the hotel when I could no longer hold it in anymore I was scared. My parents were ready to kill him and my sister was a mess. Until they made me feel like I had to forgive him. They stuck me in a hotel room with him and made him apologize. They forced me into that room crying in tears. Couple years later my sister got engaged to the man and not even a year later she is pregnant with twins with the man. A baby girl and a baby boy will be here in June or July. Ive been torn by the thought of this and it’s got me down lately I don’t want anything to happen to my niece I would feel at fault for it. . I have ptsd anxiety and depression from all of this . I’m now 19 I’ll be 20 in mid June. The pain and fear never goes away but I’ve always wanted people to talk to just never had the guts to talk to someone about it I feel like nobody gets it even tho I know people have had it worse. I’m lucky I have found someone to love me for me and help me face my fears instead of run someone who helps me get though the hard days. Comments are always welcomed sorry for the long story maybe it will help someone