I lied to my husband. Now I’m paying the price.

I lived my life before meeting my husband, I was safe about it. I’ve had sex with 8 guys before him. That’s my body count. When my husband and I were dating, the subject of “how many partners have you been with” came up. Let me just say I don’t care about how many girls he’s been with. He could’ve slept with 100 girls and it doesn’t mean anything to me if it was before me. He was 30 when I met him so I know he’s had some partners, the number? I don’t know, I don’t care. I have a more don’t ask don’t tell approach.

Him on the other hand, has always asked me. When we were dating I lied and told him I’ve only been with 3 people. I know there’s no justifying why I lied but I only lied because We were dating (the 4th date I believe) and didn’t feel like it was his business to know but he kept bugging so I just said three. Well we kept dating and eventually things turned serious and got married. A year into the marriage that conversation was bought up again and I lied again saying only 3. I know deep down he doubted me (as I’m experienced in the sex department, meaning I’m comfortable riding on top, dirty talking etc.)

Now yesterday, I was on glow and saw a pole for how many people has your partner slept with. He was sitting next to me when I opened that poll, BIG MISTAKE 🤦🏻‍♀️ because that topic came up again after 3 years. This time shit hit the fan. He asked “how many guys have you had sex with?” And I said 4. And he said “liar, I remember you told me 3” great. I fucked up because I lied and obviously can’t remember and finally decided to tell the truth no matter the consequences (the truth sets you free right?). I told him I lied to him (I haven’t told him how many partners) but I did say I lied. I said I have no excuse for lying and that I fucked up and I’m sorry. I take full responsibility. On another note, he’s livid as should be. I mean I’ve lied far too long but I kept lying because it was already too far gone. He says he doesn’t care HOW many people I slept with at this point but he’s disgusted me about how I lied to him and he doesn’t even know who I am anymore and can’t look at me the same and I feel like his mind is racing now about the number. I asked if it was a dealbreaker for him and he said “too late now, we have a baby and are already married I just have to get over it”. We had our first and only child 4 months ago.

Well I got my karma that’s for sure. Hearing him say that broke me obviously. And our trust is pretty broken right now due to my lying. He doesn’t want to touch me, kiss me, or be affectionate. I’m guessing that’s normal?

I don’t have a question for you ladies per say, I would just welcome any advice. Do you think we can get passed this? I know I’m wrong, you guys can even tell me I’m wrong. But what do I do now? How do I fight for my marriage? Don’t I owe it to my baby? Do you think the body count of people you’ve been with matters if it was BEFORE you ever met your SO?