I found out I was pregnant last month, it's our 8th pregnancy with 0 children. I've had just about every loss a woman could have, "missed" m/c, ruptured ectopic, blighted ovum, early m/c, 3 pprom...to say I was petrified is an understatement. My husband was too afraid to invest, so while he knew I was pregnant, he kept his distance on the subject. I had an u/s that measured at 6+ weeks, and a nice heartbeat. I was scheduled for another one in 3wks, and to meet with my high risk Dr the following week. I get to the u/s that SHOULD put me at 9+ weeks, but instead-you guessed it-no heartbeat, and the baby stopped growing somewhere around 8wks. I wanted to die. I got in my car & screamed at the top of my lungs. I was alone and almost got lost omw home. FF about a week, I still had no signs of m/c. I was told it could take a week or more before anything passed. I didn't want to do another d&c (already had 3) & wanted just to let it happen. Last night it finally decided to happen, and I still have no idea what to think. I should be 11wks tomorrow, but instead I'm empty. You'd think since I've gone through it so many times I'd know what to do, but I don't. My body has betrayed me once again. The Drs and specialists have no idea why this continues to happen. I'm so angry and sad, I can't act "normal " because I'm so miserable. And, a coworker recently announced her pregnancy, due exactly when I should be. I'll be 37 this year, and we've been trying for 10 years. Idk what to do anymore. I've always dreamt of being a mother, but this nightmare has completely drained me and shattered my hopes. We're open to adoption, but right now I wonder if I should just give up? Maybe it's a sign I shouldn't be a mom..all I know is I absolutely hate my body, and I'm not that fond of myself at the moment. Thanks for listening.