Hey peoples,

I recently gave birth 8 days ago to my beautiful daughter, it was a bit of a traumatic time it felt like as it didn’t go to plan but hey-ho what ever does. It started the 2nd April I got contractions and was in hospital being monitored, when I got there the contractions stopped but my baby’s heartbeat was 180+bpm and my blood pressure was high - they finally managed to get everything stable and I was allowed to go home, they brought my induction date forward from 6th April (I was 40 weeks at this point and 41 weeks on the 6th) they brought it to the 4th April.

On the 4th April I went into hospital to begin being induced and over the course of three days I had to have three pessaries inserted and it was horrible - I felt invaded by the end of it and just tired of it all. I was also being treated for preeclampsia due to my blood pressure. Finally on the 6th April I was told at 4:00am in the morning that I was finally 2cm dilated and they were able to break my waters and to get my rest as they’d break them later on that day for me. That time came and I had my waters broken by 11:00 and was hooked onto a drip to start my contractions, I then went on to labour for 21 hours and my body was that tired that it wasn’t responding to the hormone drip anymore and it ended in me having to have an emergency csection, I lost a litre of blood and was close to having a blood transfusion - I was under anaesthetic due to the epidural not working with my spine due to my scoliosis.

After my csection I finally came round and met my daughter and it was the most amazing feeling ever meeting my little human for the first time ever and seeing her little face - due to the surgery, while I was recovering in hospital I then went on to have another bleed and retained water on my right leg as the epidural numbed my right right of my body and that was all. Anyway as I was in hospital my daughter stayed with me, I struggled to look after her a bit due to the pain of my csection and my peg leg it felt like, I felt immobile and useless and as though I couldn’t do anything for my baby - not to mention that she was screaming due to my milk not coming in yet and I was trying to just give her colostrum. One of the nights on the ward all the babies were screaming and ladies phones were going off and I couldn’t sleep and neither could my daughter, the midwife must’ve felt bad for me and offered to look after her for an hour while I tried to sleep and as soon as she was wheeled out the room I cried and cried for her and took her back as soon as I could. I got let out of hospital the day after and finally home with my daughter and partner.

Now, even as immobile as I was I’ve done all the feeds and the night feeds and been loving on my baby as much as I can and showing her how much I love her, but all I seem to do is cry. When I look at her I cry sometimes because she’s so beautiful and I love her that much that I really don’t know how to deal with the feeling of so much love. I cried because I remembered one day she’s gonna grow up.

My partner on the other hand was useful for about 3 days and has now given up, he doesn’t seem to hold her really or offer to do any feeds or anything. He plays on his game and doesn’t do the housework when I can’t really do anything but care for my baby.

Is it normal to be this weepy about everything? And to feel like you’re useless when you’re doing all you can? I miss being pregnant more than anything as well, I feel empty and my heart feels so full. I wouldn’t wish my daughter back in there but I just miss my bump.