The hardest thing about becoming pregnant is knowing I can’t let myself relapse again. I crave it so much. I’m terrified to gain all the weight I lost back. 43 pounds is a lot and I really don’t want any of it back. I know I can’t just think about me anymore. It’s me and the baby. That’s what makes this hard. All I want is to relapse. To go back to eating maybe a meal a day. I struggle to get myself to eat 2 meals as it is. I want to do what is best for the baby but it’s so hard. It’s already sucking weight off of me because I can’t get myself eat enough. My boyfriend knows I have disordered eating but I don’t think he realizes how bad it was. How bad it is. I still have 6 months of trying to stay strong. I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to.