I’ve been reading these birth stories religiously over the past month or so, trying to get an idea of how my birthing experience would be. In some ways it helped me to prepare for what I was about to experience, in others it left me completely unprepared.

So to start off with a little bit of info about me... I was 28 when I got pregnant and weighed a sexy 365 pounds. I found out I was pregnant after rushing to the doctor because web MD had diagnosed me with cancer and heart failure... surprise... I was just pregnant. My husband and I had only been married for two months. We lived in Columbus, GA but ended up relocating to Greenville, SC to be closer to both of our parents.

I had high blood pressure my entire pregnancy. After 20 weeks, they put me on Methyldopa and when that went on backorder, I began taking Labetalol (or however it’s spelled... it’s BP medicine lol) so anyway... other than that, my pregnancy was great. No gestational diabetes (and I was tested twice for it). My baby consistently measured large for his gestational age but the doctor’s didn’t seem too concerned about it. They told me at 39 weeks, I’m getting induced because of my hypertension. I’m happy about it because I was miserable by week 34.

April 10 comes. I go in at 6p to start Cytotec because my wonderful cervix wasn’t anywhere close to opening. The doctors hinted that it might be a lengthy ordeal. Might not have a baby until Thursday or Friday at the latest. I was prepared and packed as if I was staying a month in the Amazon. At around 9:30 that night, I started Cytotec. I hadn’t experienced a contraction until that point and they weren’t exactly fun but nothing I couldn’t handle. They strapped me to a monitor and the wait began. After my 3rd dose of Cytotec, they checked my cervix to see if I had dilated any.....

Aaaaaaand no.

At this point we’re halfway through Thursday and I’m starting to wonder if i would actually be having a baby anytime soon. (Patience is not exactly a thing I possess much of) they give me my fourth dose of Cytotec and we wait 4 hours then a fifth dose and we wait 4 more hours...

*4 hours later*

They check my cervix and I finally dilated but only one centimeter. So the nurse tells me they are gonna insert a foley balloon. And I recall reading two separate birth stories here where that was used and they weren’t described lovingly so I was prepared for the worst...

YET STILL UNPREPARED BECAUSE THAT SUCKER HURT!!!

I had every intention on being a G about this... but I cried like a baby when they inserted the foley balloon... officially not a G.

And the contractions picked up. Up until then, they were manageable but Satan’s

Balloon pretty much kicked them into high gear. I went from silently enduring these steady contractions (they were 2-3 minutes apart the whole time) to sounding like a beached whale. Three different nurses asked me if I wanted an epidural. At this point it had been 31 hours of nonstop contracting, ice chips, and popsicles. I said no each time because I was saving the epidural for the grand finale. But at 4:30 I had a wake up call contraction and the nurse asked again if I wanted an epidural and every cell in my body said YESSSS!

Epidurals... are amazing... but the process of getting them sucks. That’s all I’m gonna say.

But lord I was a whole new person after that. I was prepared to go however long I needed to go to get this baby out. 12 hours later, the foley balloon fell out FINALLY and then my water broke. They start me on pitocin and it’s starting to feel real. So here I’m thinking it’s go time. My husband called his family, my sister called my mom and dad, everybody rushed to the hospital just to play the waiting game because when I tell you nothing progressed after that....... bruh.

5 hours of waiting and both my husband’s parents and my parents decided to go home. I’m feeling defeated and embarrassed but blissfully pain free (epidural was my best friend)

So at this point everybody’s tired of me because now they’re placing internal monitors and telling me they’re going to shift me from side to side every 30 minutes to get the labor going. I’m like cool do whatever you want.

At 11:30 that night, the baby’s heart rate started dropping and a herd of nurses and doctors bumrushed me. They start shifting me and a doctor starts talking to me about POSSIBLY needing a c section. Basically they wanted to go ahead with it but were trying to gauge my reaction because when I was unfazed by it they were like hey that’s probably what we’re gonna go ahead and do to avoid any worse outcomes. I’m like cool... whatever... and then I cried again because c sections terrified me and I just knew the worst would happen. A nurse gave me a hug and told me everything would be okay and off we went to the OR.

They administered something else I can’t remember what it was, I’m sorry guys. All I know is it goes on top of the epidural so maybe it was a spinal block. But after I started feeling the effects, I panicked. And I mean PANICKED. I start screaming... wel... trying to. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I was waving my arms around trying to roll myself off the table. I was begging them to put me under and kept telling them I couldn’t do it. Then I started praying for peace and honestly I thought God had answered my prayers because almost immediately this wonderful Calm washed over me (turns out they sedated me... but I mean God works in mysterious ways so I still consider my prayer answered lmbo) 15 minutes later they pulled my baby out of me... 10 lbs 9 oz... a nurse told me I never would have been able to push him out based on how tight my pelvis was and how big his head was. At the end of the day... he’s here and he’s healthy and he’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen (and I’m happy to admit how biased I am)

Adrian Thomas Allen Falls born at 12:28a on April 13, 2019. We share a birthday. He’s the best thing ever.