Hi mommas,

I am 4 months postpartum and believe I have depression/anxiety. I find it hard to leave the house on my own with Bub out of fear/anxiety he’ll cry etc and he takes forever to feed (breastfed) and fights going to sleep to the point he gets over tired and whingey. I’m exhausted. I have no one to help me so I feel so lonely during the day and overwhelmed that I cry or sometimes just put him in his bassinet and leave the room so I can have a minute to breathe and collect myself. I’m finding motherhood REALLY hard. I miss my old life but I LOVE my son and feel terrible for feeling this way.

When I’m with my husband I’m fine as we go out on weekends and he can help hold my son etc, however breastfeeding is tricky still as my son has a lip tie (in the process of maybe getting it lasered). My home is my safe place (I have my breastfeeding pillow to help position him to have a better latch etc). He also takes forever to feed so I feel like I don’t get much of s break as by the time he finishes, itsnot long before he’s due again. I see and hear all these mums going out for lunches and getting their nails done etc and I wonder how they do this! I’m not enjoying my mat leave :( I want to break out of this fear as it’s consuming me and I want to give the best to my son. I don’t want to be on medication as I hardly take medication since even before I was pregnant.

I’m so embarrassed and can’t talk to anyone about this. I go to playgroup and the women are lovely and always invite me out to their coffee dates but I decline because I am really struggling and feel like I’m a crap mum because I’m not loving this journey like everyone else is. I used to always go on lunch/dinner meet ups either friends when pregnant and love being social but since having Bub I feel like I’m stuck at home and just hate it. I wish I just had some help so I could have a break. I went for a walk yesterday and felt really good (my hubby finished work early so watched my son). I try to go for walks daily with my son but I usually only go for max 20mins before he has a meltdown.

Does anyone else feel overwhelmed? How can I feel better? I have a sister who is absolutely killing motherhood and it makes me feel worse as I compare myself and feel like such a failure when I’m trying so hard to do my best.