DESPERATE! Need advice. Please read!!!

Hi, I’m 21, I’m a college student and about a year and 9 months ago I was sexually assaulted. Heavy intro, I know. I was having consensual sex with this guy and he took the condom off midway through. And I told him to stop because no way was I having sex without a condom and he didn’t and when I tried to push him off he hit me repeatedly and pinned me down.

Ive always been self sufficient and reserved. Even as a child. As a younger sibling in a group of seven (4 older brothers, 1 older sister and a lil bro) you kinda have to be. Having 5 brothers and an ultra conservative dad meant that I grew up in a pretty sexist and repressive household. Gender norms and double standards were implemented and anything feminine was weak. I’ve always tried to challenge that. I don’t like to seem weak.

Also, when I was younger one of yo older brothers tried to force me to have sex with him. So i haven’t had the healthiest relationships with my older brothers (my lol bro is great tho).

Anyways, about 10 months after being assaulted I met my current bf and he’s literally my best friend and I love him to death. When we met, he had his demons and I had mine and we worked through them together. First as friends, then as lovers, and eventually something more.

The only problem is, the thought of introducing him to my family scared the living shit out of me. For one, he’s the complete opposite of my family; politically, racially, and religiously. Two, dating and sex (especially for me and my sister) is taboo in my family. Three, and most importantly, the whole dating thing wasn’t something I wanted to be vocal about because it would open the door to the conversation about me being sexually assaulted and I wasn’t able to talk to my family about that yet (which my therapist said was valid).

I told my sister about my bf early on, but didn’t dive in details. Then a year went by and I was away at school and my life (aside from the hell of class) was normal. Then shit hit the fan.

One day, my sister calls me upset because “I don’t trust her or care about her because I don’t talk to her about my bf. And she’s done with me.” So I open up and tell her about being raped and about the thing with my older brother and how it’s hard for me to talk about certain things with the male figures in my life. Growing up me and my sister were closer than close and I felt comfortable talking to her.

She then decides to tell one of my brothers, who tells EVERYONE in my family. Next thing you know I have random family members blowing up my phone. People are posting of FB about my “tragedy”. My dad says ‘this is the worst thing to ever happen to HIM as a father and he’d rather I’d gotten hit by a bus or had cancer’. My brothers threaten to dis-enroll me from school and physically drag me from campus and force me to live at home to “protect me” . Perhaps the worst thing though, my brother saying “Girls often try and protect the person that raped them. I bet it was her bf. As of this moment she’s single” and they basically threatened to beat the shit out of him/kill him. [My mom, the only sane one, gave me the love and support I needed and told everyone to stfu when she found out].

To make things worse, my sister’s justification was that she thought everyone had the right to know. But she didn’t tell anyone about my older brother being a creep because ‘it would make things worse within the family”. Like how fucking dare you decide to tell MY story and pick and chose what’s appropriate.

Anyways, that was in March and now it’s nearing May and I have to go back home for the summer and live with these people. And I honestly don’t think I can handle it.