Personal battles with weight loss

Hey all. I just had a mental breakdown in my doctors office today and I’m still reeling from it. These past couple of months I’ve been eating better, no soda/juices/etc, no dessert, drinking water, and hitting the gym at least 3-4 times a week for at least an hour at a time. I don’t count pounds on the scale for obvious reasons but today I got on the scale and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m a former dancer so weighing myself hasn’t ever been my friend but this is a while new level for me. y’all, I’ve never felt so defeated and disappointed with myself in my life. I lost my shit and couldn’t keep it together. I’m still struggling to keep it together. I’ve been trying so hard and it seems my clothes aren’t fitting any better. I’m counting calories. Keeping portion sizes normal. Eating nutrient rich foods, avoiding dairy, etc. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong and I feel disgusted with myself. I don’t know what to do. I can’t dance 8 hours a day like I used to but I also don’t eat whatever I want like I used to. I’m really doing what I can and I don’t know why I’m gaining weight and not at least maintaining. This is honestly depressing beyond belief and I’m looking for someone (anyone) to please give me your secrets to weight loss