Boy do I have some tea for y’all today.

Sit back and relax Bc this is gonna be long.

Let me start off telling you about my relationship..

we met sometime at the end of summer in 2014 and were official by 9/22/14

I had a son (who is now 6) from a previous marriage when I was 17. I got pregnant young and made the mistake of getting married to the guy. But anyway, my new boyfriend took my son in as his own. Bio dad is still around and does a great job just wasn’t good to me.

The first year was rocky. We moved together after 4 months of dating mainly because my abusive drug addicted mother was a bad influence for my son and I couldn’t afford to be on my own. The second year was better and by the third we pretty much had our relationship figured out although we still argue just like any couple. We’ve had a decent, healthy relationship. Not perfect by any means.

Spring of 2017 we gave birth to our planned, first baby girl and it was a beautiful birth. Picture perfect. I went into labor (water broke) a bit after laying down for bed. Made it to the hospital. Labor lasted only 7 hours. No pain at all after epidural.

It was truly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced with someone.

(Side note: with my first son they gave me a csection once my water broke and I had to be put to sleep. Bio dad didn’t make it in time as he was at his parents house early in the morning and we weren’t together until weeks after our son was born, then ultimately parted ways.)

In the back of my mind I’d always ask myself if he was ever going to propose or mention marriage in a more serious manner. But nothing.

Here I am cooking, cleaning and raising our daughter and my son and doing everything feeling unappreciated because of the fact the man will not put a ring on my finger. I felt so wrong for feeling that way. But at the same time what am I even doing starting a family for a second time with a man who won’t commit to me. I had these thoughts all the time.

The very next year in 2018 I fell pregnant. AGAIN. it was unexpected but really what were we expecting to happen without a condom or birth control 🤷‍♀️ by then we had found a nice 3 bedroom home and I woke up one morning (which happened to be FATHERS DAY) and decided I wanted to get him a gift so I went to Walmart and bought some things, decided to grab a cheapo pregnancy test Bc I was a little late but wasn’t expecting the positive.

So I put the test in a box and gifted it to him for Father’s Day along with the gift I bought him. He was so happy. He was so happy and hoping for a boy. Little did we know his son turned out to be another little girl. But he was okay with that. We agreed to stop having children at this point and he come to terms with never having a son of his own.

At the beginning of this year, 2019 I went into labor before my water broke and I wasntsure what was going on because I literally thought your water was supposed to break first. That’s what happened with the last two. So I waited too long to get to the hospital and ended up giving birth as soon as I walked through the labor and deliver doors. I was a mess and in excruciating pain. I even pooped myself 😭😭😭lol

I gave birth to another beautiful little girl who is now almost 3 months.

I thought SURELY I deserve a ring and to take his last name now.

But nothing.

It hurt my feelings to be honest.

Caused me to be really distant. Not want sex etc. Bc I felt like I was building a whole life on “maybes”

Well fast forward to today.. I’m sitting here watching YouTube with my 2 year old when I decide I’d finally hang some pictures I’ve been wanting to hang. weeeelllllll....

I go outside to grab a drill and screws from the storage room and I opened the thing he keeps the screws in and there was a beautiful ring. (Mind you he wasn’t home)

Holy shit y’all my heart sank to my stomach.

So I sat everything down and ran to check on my daughter who was sitting on the couch. Sat the baby monitor on her and my littlest one who was napping. And went back to the storage room to check out my findings. I put it on my finger and it got stuck 😩😭 had to get some dish soap and get it back off Bc it was a bit tight. lol

I put it back where I found it and decided not to hang the pictures after all because I didn’t want him to know I rummaged through the screws where the ring was.

I called my mom (she’s recovered now and we’re bffs) and told her what happened. She told me she knew about it and she knows how and when he’s going to propose and everything(she didn’t tell me of course). But told me not to tell him I found it. Gave me a lecture and whatever. And now I’m sitting here trying to pretend I know nothing. Which is hard because i feel I am the worlds worst liar.

I want to tell all my friends but I don’t want to ruin anything more than I already have either. I feel terrible Bc the element of surprise will be gone.

I really don’t even know how to pretend to be surprised lol I’m going to have to practice in the mirror. 😐 wtf.

But y’all I’m finally going to be able to say “my fiancé” in front of people with my 3 kids instead of “my boyfriend”

Hope y’all enjoy my story because I don’t even know where to go from this point lol