I had my first baby at the end of December and I never really felt like I had any postpartum depression symptoms. I was never super sad nor did I lack motivation to care for my baby. Depression and anxiety were things I had experienced and been medicated for before, so I felt confident that I really was doing well.

But since I’ve had the baby I’ve had increasingly scary intrusive thoughts, nothing involving me hurting the baby though. The thoughts have generally just been me being terrified she’s going to smother herself in her sleep, or she’s going to slip out of my arms and fall, and even full blown detailed scenarios where she gets into a car accident with her dad or starts chocking.

I’m at the point where sometimes these intrusive thought scenarios make me burst out crying. I’m not sure if this is just new mom fear, or if this is something I need to go to my doctor about. As I said, I’ve never thought about hurting my baby, only her getting hurt by uncontrollable outside forces and me being unable to do anything to help her.

Actually sometimes I even worry that things will happen to her caused by someone watching her, even if I trust the people who watch her with my life, my mother and the baby’s father included.

I’m just not sure where to go from here.