Is anyone else just so ready for their due date? This is my second, and I LOVED being pregnant with my first. I would have stayed pregnant forever. It was magical. This pregnancy has kicked my butt so hard and I honestly feel guilty for kind of hating it.

It’s been a roller coaster. I was sick with nausea and migraines all through my first trimester over the entire holiday season, I’ve had less frequent but more severe migraines with frightening neurological symptoms I’ve never had before in the second. I’m always exhausted, my body is achy and stiff, and I’m a freakin basketcase because of the hormones. My husband is at his wits end dealing with me. The pregnancy brain is so real; I can’t focus on anything. I’m working and taking care of my three year old so I think that’s a factor - I had so much more time to take care of myself the first time around.

And yesterday. It was Easter. I was trying to make my mother in law a gluten free Swiss roll dessert to bring to their house as they were hosting. The first one was a disaster so I tried again. The second one was somehow worse. I’ve never failed at baking before. It’s 12:30 by now and we’re supposed to be there by 1:30. In a panic, I throw in some box mix gluten free chocolate cupcakes and whip up some homemade buttercream while trying to get dressed myself and get my toddler dressed because my husband is in the bathroom for a good half hour. I tried to put my son’s shorts on him and he melted down for now good reason, so my husband comes out of the bathroom and starts breaking my chops for “making him cry.” My vision goes bright red at that point - ok, blame me for a toddler meltdown. Sounds fair. He tells me I’ve been stressed and frustrated and I probably stressed our son out.

Fine, then you dress him asshole. You’ve been so helpful for the last hour, if I’m not the right person for the job right now where tf have you been?

Out of nowhere - it’s 1:32 now and my husband isn’t even dressed yet - he decides we need to clean the whole house before we go over. I can’t make any damn sense of it but I’m like fine I guess let’s just do it ASAP - and as I’m slamming through the kitchen cleanup as fast as I can and I get chocolate on my shirt.

That was it. I broke down and started hysterically crying. I had a full toddler meltdown myself. My son was so freaked out seeing me cry like that he just laid down on the couch and went to sleep. My husband stared at me like I was crazy. We didn’t end up going until much later when everything was over at my inlaws and we went home and had Wendy’s for dinner. I made those f*cking cupcakes though.

It was just a mess. Because I’m hormonal and it’s affecting my moods so much I’m like...still raw from the whole thing. What a mess it all was.

I just feel so much like I’m struggling to keep my head above water lately. I’m not taking good enough care of myself and I feel guilty because I’m not being the best mom to the baby that’s coming in July. My toddler witnessed full lunacy in his mother yesterday. (I usually do so much better by him). I should eat healthier. I should sleep more. I should make more time for the things that replenish me (😂😂😭). It’s hard to even say with a straight face. With what time??? I’m exhausted.

I don’t know if anyone actually read all this, but if you did, thank you. I just needed to get it all out. Anyone else just feel like they’re struggling with every facet of their life?

Any sense of solidarity would be so welcome. It’s not always this bad - I honestly feel so blessed most of the time. Just having a ROUGH patch here.