hi guys. i just wanted to share my experience, and hopefully you can help me label it. i know people have different view points on what they consider abuse or not, but i figured i’d share mine.

so my ex was 16, a sophomore, when i started dating him. i was 14 and a freshman. we would sext, because even at 13 i knew how i wanted my sex life to go. i’m aware this is very young now, i was 14, but then again i’m still confused on what happened and what to call it.

anyways, he talked about how when he turned 17 (which was going to be in a few weeks) was when he wanted to loose his virginity, and i really didn’t want to give mine to him either. but i felt like i was obligated as his girlfriend and i have a hard time saying no.

we hung out three times (we went to different schools) before we actually did something, which was me sucking his dick. by this point he was 17. later that night though, he tried to have sex with me while we were watching netflix. i just wanted to watch the movie, but i couldn’t bring myself to push him off or say no. anyways, i wasn’t turned on and i was too tight for him to do anything other than get the tip in, so i just laid there while he did whatever.

here’s the part that i guess is the boggest even tho it isn’t compared to other stories. we went to the movies, and he stuck his hand down my pants. i “pawed” at his arm to get him off, scooted away from him, anything to give him physical signs to stop because i was too scared to say no, push him away, hit him, yell at him, etc. so i just let it happened while i sat there and silently cried. he would even go “save for when we’re home?” and if tell him yes and he’d stop but a few minutes later do it again.

when i broke up with him because he was too sexual (i had worked up the conversation with him that i didn’t want to do anything sexual but kiss, and how much i disliked pda, yet he still did what he did), he blamed me for our relationship being too sexual and that i was in it for lust while he just wanted love.

i’m not sure what to call this, considering the fact i never verbally said no... but he causes me anxiety in my other relationships, and i don’t know how an actual relationship is supposed to be

UPDATE: At my most recent therapist appointment I reported him. Now we wait, and i doubt even an investigation will be opened, but i’m glad it’s off my chest.