I’ve always suffered with depression & anxiety. Ive been to the point of attempting suicide & got myself out of that dark time, never been back to that point. I’ve managed to keep barely afloat. I am from very small town like with one gas station, one grocery store, everyone knows everyone. I’ve even drank with my old early school teachers😂. So my point is friends when you’re from a small town is hard to come by, most people either have moved away to pursue better things in life & those who stay close to home have had the same friends forever. I was the party girl, I partied and had so many friends over my teenage years. Mental illness took over and I withdrew myself once again. I met my bf at 18, now 8 years later with a new baby... but I have no friends. I have two I see once every few months. Idk how to go out and be social after being cooped up all winter with a newborn, I went to a mom group but it’s girls I know and went to school with. They have their groups and I’ve never been apart of it. They probably have this image of me from years ago or childhood and they don’t even want to bother getting to know me TODAY.

Moving away isn’t an option. But I feel stuck in this hell hole where either I attract the wrong kinda of friends, ones who lie to my face, shit talk their friends so what do they do to me?? Obviously the same!

I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I’m always forgotten about. I used to not care. How do I not care again and just DO ME.

I’m so good at tricking my brain when I go through depressive bouts but this is the one thing I can’t figure out.

Don’t suggest meds or talking to someone. Been there done that. Small town. No options, no money . I’m very self aware. But I lack confidence. I do self care when I can. Broke so no money for a hair cut or anything. It’s me and my baby. And these walls of the small house I I clean daily. Which is funny cause it’s not even clean 😅

Fuck life. People suck. I’ve been hurt and scared to have close friendships so I please the majority and am likeable but I don’t know how to take anything a step further and make a friendship.