I am a first time mom...I have a 7 month old baby girl who means the world and so much more to me....

I take the contraception pill and use condoms when having sex with my partner....

A massive part of me wants more children but I had a massively traumatic experience in my labor with my little girl which has really put me off...

I have taken several pregnancy test after having sex with my partner (to be sure) due to nit remembering my last period as I still have them on the pill, boobs not feeling normal like full pinching sensation in my lady area little things I had with my first pregnancy and I took one about an hour ago...it was negative...

And here lies my confusion...in the pit of my stomach I was so hurt and heart broken looking at this test in my hand that said I wasn't pregnant when I thought I would be relieved in some way... I know my partner wants another baby and I can see the hope in his eyes with every test...

Why do I feel so hurt and disappointed? When a part of me feels like I couldn't do it all again and I feel like my little girl deserves more of my time and undivided attention just for a little bit more?