i’ll probably never shut up about it on this app, but i’m still stuck. the school holidays have ended and i’m going back tomorrow (it’s night time as i’m writing this), and now the stress has just hit me.

i just got asked by a friend of mine if i would like to go to his party, just a casual one down to a theme park for the evening with a few of our friends, and for some reason i immediately panicked. he just asked if i was free on that day and i got scared and said “damn sorry man i wish i could but i’m super busy that night” so obviously i’m not going. i feel stupid and cowardly. normal people dont do this i bet.

recently i’ve tried to start an all new mentality and at least try to get my life back in order just thinking to myself “i am on this earth to live life and have fun, not to impress people” and at the time i thought yeah this is good i’m gonna get better but of course as soon as some sort of social interaction came up that mentality just disappeared (i know i’m a pussy).

it’s the smallest things that get me the most i think. going to the store, school or even meeting up with my closest friends is such a hassle. it’s not like i hate hanging out with people and would rather stay inside, i mean yeah i would, but i really want to go out without having to worry. but i never can, and it sucks. i know a lot of people can relate and that should make me feel better, but it kinda makes me feel worse. it just makes me feel bad for everyone.

i just tell myself “you’re overreacting, you don’t have social anxiety, you’re not worthy to have it” which makes no sense whatsoever. and yes when i was 12 i was actually diagnosed with anxiety and social anxiety, but i’ve never taken medication for it though.

ok rant over, does anyone have any tips on how to feel less anxious? thank you, have a good day/night💛💙❤️