Where do I even begin? My whole pregnancy has been a nightmarish experience because my husband and I did genetic testing at 12 weeks so we had an extra 8 weeks to prepare our life and self educate should our child have special needs. We had a slightly elevated NT score and that even though it has never measured high again and all the additional tests keep coming back just fine we have been plagued by "recommended follow up". Now here we are, my due date is 5/7 and my doctor has scheduled an induction for the next day because he will be in the hospital that day. And I appreciate his proactive nature but I am absolutely terrified of doctors and hospitals. I have been his patient for 12 years now and love him but it doesn't change my overwhelming fear if what I have gotten myself into and what is unknown.

So here we are, I wanted a natural birth, unabated by wires, catheters and absolutely NO epidural and now I am looking at having possibly the complete and total opposite of what I want forced on me. I understand that a birth plan is in no way a plan and I was prepared to flex on a few things. We talked it all out with our doula and I have taken the classes and done research... But you guys I am an emotional mess paralyzed with fear over this.

I do not envy my husband having to get me within a few feet of a hospital, much less as a patient. But at the same time I don't have any more fight left in me. I have fought since 14 weeks with doctors and for what we believe is necessary and I just don't have it in me anymore. I am so over every moment of pregnancy. Hearing people talk about how big I have gotten almost over night as I walk through the office, being asked by my co-workers if I'm dilated, having family feel like they can touch me any time they want... It's been the most humiliating and soul sucking experience of my life.

I guess what I am looking for here is positive stories of induction? Positive thoughts? I don't know, I guess I am just wanting to vent because my husband has heard me say all of this for months and he is a saint about it most days but I needed an emotional outlet today because I am just overwhelmed and to my max.