I had a very traumatic birth with my first child almost 14 months ago. I am a labor and delivery nurse and I delivered on my home unit. I knew something was wrong after delivery, that I was bleeding too much, and my own coworkers didn’t even listen to me. After I was transferred to our postpartum floor, I went to the bathroom and began passing massive clots. I was going in and out of consciousness. Once they got me back to the bed, they began to manually remove clots in attempt to control the bleeding. That didn’t work and I had to be transferred to the operating room to try to stop the bleeding, and that could mean a hysterectomy. I thought I was going to die. 4 hours after delivering my sweet boy, I was being put under general anesthesia not knowing if I’d wake up at all or if they’d be able to save my uterus. I woke up in the PACU after numerous blood transfusions feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. My uterus was saved, but due to all the blood loss and the medications I was given, I was out of it all night. I still feel robbed of my first night with my baby and husband as a family of 3. I developed bad postpartum anxiety related to my traumatic birthing experience, and I’m still dealing with it over a year later. I’m so thankful my son and I made it, but what happened to me was directly related to negligence. I’m only just now able to open up and talk about what I went through, and I am finding it healing. Birth trauma is real and it is whatever you say it is. If you’ve experienced birth trauma, I want to open this up as a space to share your story and know you aren’t alone. 💙💙💙💙