Okay, I understand many people don’t believe rape counts as a “loss of virginity” because it wasn’t consensual, but from my perspective, it’s really hard to see it that way. I lost my virginity at the hands of my brother and his friend. I’m so fucking angry. I didn’t acknowledge it as it having happened until I was raped again last year(like I KNEW, I just didn’t. It was like if someone asked me if it happened, I could say yeah, that night happened, but in my day to day life I never thought about it. I had consensual sex not long after this and have always considered that to be the first time I had sex). That friend didn’t come around again and my brother and I(and my parents, as they found out later that night) acted as if nothing happened. And I think as time has gone on, since I’ve actually started processing it, the more angry I become. At them, of course, but at EVERYONE else too! This happened when the three of us were drinking and I was lectured for hours the next day. My dad was furious that I drank(and did other drugs that he found on me that night). He told me only bad things happen to girls who put themselves in vulnerable positions. I was punished for almost a month and a half for that night(no phone, keys, friends over etc). My brother MAY have gotten a short lecture. I know at least for 8 hours the next day, no one spoke with him because my parents were with me. And none of his privileges were taken. He kept his phone, his car, his DRUG HABIT (and a much worse one than my own at the time). THEY KNEW AND THEY DIDN’T CARE. I’m trying to process all of this, I’m just so afraid of the implications that could follow reporting this now within my family. Everyone has moved on. I’ve thought about confronting my brother, but he lives hours away and I could never on the phone. I’m just so angry. And I don’t know how to handle it. If this were anybody else, I wouldn’t hesitate to go to the police. But this is my family. Also, my brother recorded it so I know there’s video proof. I just want to be impulsive with it, march myself to the police station, report it and never look back. But I can’t. I just wish this was easier. Sorry for the rant😬😅