I’ve been getting like, weird achy pain in my womb-region (idk what to call it lol), is that normal? Im only five, maybe six weeks along, and tbh, did not think I could get pregnant (I’m a pretty petite chick and live a pretty fast life) and then bam! The FIRST TIME the guy doesn’t pull out in time, I’m pregnant. And I could feel it like, three days later, hell, I remember the exact night my body was like, “girllll, you’re gonna grow a baby up in here!” And I didnt believe it for like a week, until my period was late. According to Glow, the day of conception I only had a 3% risk of pregnancy. THREE PERCENT. And I’ve been logging my periods etc for almost a year so it ought to have this shit calculated.

So, is this pain normal? I went to planned parenthood today to confirm (even though I took four home pregnancy tests and they all came up positive) and talk about options, which I didnt really think about. I assumed I ‘d just get an abortion, i cannot take care of a kid and I dont know if I even like them. But I feel this thing growing inside me and idk if it’s hormones or what but I’m like, attached to it. I’ve always looked at pregnancy as a kind of parasitic para-symbiotic relationship between parasite and host and it seems strange for me to be attached to something that is literally draining me of my blood.

Toco clue this nonsense, I have no idea wtf to do, I know it’s not even a baby right now and I would feel horrible killing a baby, but I have this feeling like, maybe this would finally get me the assistance I need to quit heroin. Oh yes, I said HEROIN. Take your judgement and get fucked because you have no idea where I’ve been or who I am. So, for the sake of the kid, do I just get an abortion and ignore these feelings (which are probably hormones, right?) or like, do I use this as an opportunity to get off dope? I even spoke to my little sister and you know, if I got clean and kept this pregnancy, she would take the baby. She has a two year old and a dead beat baby daddy, and she swears she’ll never date again... I dont know if I could take care of a baby, my whole life I said I ‘d never have kids and I built my world around that. I’ve had to do some pretty low down shit to survive and I couldnt do that with a kid around... how tf would I make it work?

Maybe this feeling will go away and I won’t feel such tumult in my heart. But anyway, weird pains= probably normal I’m assuming since now there’s something growing inside my body?