Constant state

This is something I don’t really like to talk about because I feel like I’m dramatic and I wish that I didn’t have to have these underlying thoughts and perspectives. I have all these thoughts of what I really want to do and what I want to be and I’m pretty capable, but I stop myself. On the other hand I just can’t picture myself being alive years from now like how will I make it? Those thoughts of hope of what I can live for make it worth it. But besides that I don’t feel alive so it takes the meaning and purpose out of life itself and makes everything pointless. Overall even if I didn’t feel like I could accomplish things the last thing I would want is my family to struggle with me being gone. The idea of being gone makes me sad it scares me, but I truly don’t feel alive to begin with and haven’t for years. It’s all hard to believe. However, I do feel if I moved somewhere warmer (I live in the Midwest) and pursued or at least tried a life I separated from being stuck here maybe it’d help.. even a little?