This will be long but I need some unbiased opinions/advice. I'm at a big crossroads in life and I just need more input before I make a decision that could potentially decide my whole future. I'm in college right now. I'll be graduating early in the winter. My boyfriend will be graduating in the spring except he's continuing on to get a one year master's degree. We have both been extremely fortunate in life and won't have any student loans (besides the ones he will need to take out for his master's) he's getting financially cut off from his family because they have other kids to think about and whatnot (not a big deal).

Now I have big dreams for what I want to do with my life. I love to create. Anything in the creative fields interests me. I want to be a writer most of all...which of course doesn't pay the bills (most of the time). I have a big master plan for obtaining that goal and eventually starting a company blah blah blah...I won't bore you with the details.

My boyfriend is extremely supportive of this goal and 100% believes in it. Which is great. We've talked about it a long time and decided that I probably should put all my effort into my goals instead of getting a job. I was a little opposed at first just because I didn't want to mooch off of him and I grew up in a very traditional household. We came to the decision however that I should really give it my all and his career choice is enough to support that. Plus we'd be married at that point so it would be "our" money

However this means I have a year and a half before he graduates and we can have that life. So the question is what will I be doing in that time?

Well fuck if I know.

Here's where the big issue comes in. My parents. I seriously love and respect but they've always been too traditional for my tastes to the point where.... while I was at college I got to really see different paths in life and feel as if I have never really got the option to make my own decisions when it came to school (besides picking my major) and stuff like that. They are VERY opinionated on that aspect of life because they want me to succeed and live comfortably (and of course get off their paycheck lol) which I completely acknowledge and respect.

They have been absorbed with what I plan to do with my life and I've made it clear about my writing and the plans with my boyfriend. They've kind of ignored that though. They need me to have a traditional path like my siblings have taken.

Now when I was questioning getting a job (before my boyfriend and I decided otherwise) I mentioned a job as a school librarian for a while which requires a master's degree (I don't want to work circulation desk. I know you can do that without a degree).

They are obsessed with this idea. They think it's perfect because if I work in school I can have summers off to write.

I've had a terrible time at college. My grades are high but I've always struggled with school for lots of reasons and I don't really believe in the American education system at all. I felt like I've wasted my time. I know getting a degree is important for society purposes (getting jobs, higher pay..) and I understand the value because of that...but when I say wasted my time I mean I haven't learned any skills and it feels like I'm not living life. I'm doing what other people tell me and I'm too busy to work on things I love and skills I want to learn. I've been severely depressed to the point of wanting to die and crying my face off every day. I've been "pushing through" life instead of living and without my boyfriend I would have killed myself. I've slowly been improving my mental health at the cost of my GPA a little bit (although it's still rather high so not a concern for applying to graduate school).

I've told my mom about this. I broke down crying to her telling her everything. She just encourages me to keep pushing through... it's almost over. She's not unsympathetic although I don't think she fully understands how deep my pain is either. I have made it as clear as possible though.

So graduate school wouldn't be "just another year" it would make me miserable. I've been desperately trying to get to the end of my schooling because I know I can work towards my dreams again I'll be able to find happiness and start living.

Another thing to note. My parent would be paying for this extra year. I have told them I don't want to waste their money...that I don't and won't probably become a librarian if I get this degree. They said having a back up plan is good and I should do it anyways. Which I agree having a back up plan is nice but I'd rather just go back to school later in life if I want the job later. They HATE the idea of going back to school. They said it's too hard and I'll never do it.

Besides I've wasted so much time I could have been using to learn and practice things I want. I feel like focusing so much of my attention on a "backup plan" and not on my dreams is killing me emotionally. Not to mention makes it feel like my backup plan is my only plan. I feel trapped but I also understand my parents' fears. I have them myself.

So my boyfriend thinks I shouldn't do it. He's been through every mental breakdown and he's seen the toll of ignoring my dreams for school and what it has done to me. He says it's hard for him to watch. He thinks we should get married after school like we planned to before grad school came up and live off the student loans he has to take out anyways. We would buy our own health insurance, car insurance, and other adult expenses. Plus he's got a summer internship he'll save money from and has always worked throughout the school year. He's suggesting that I work on this novel I have been working on for years and focus all my attention on building myself a career. I love his support but it's an overwhelming thought.

For one I think it's selfish on my part (although he disagrees) to essentially just do what I love while he's working so hard. He says he's happy though and honestly likes being busy and that even if he chooses not to work and just do school the loans will cover everything.

I'm also worried about the relationship with my parents. This will damage it badly. I have always listened to them and did what they thought was best for me. I also can see there point but I've been sobbing and stressed out at the thought of my life not being my own for one more year. I feel so hollow and miserable.

And even if I got a job it has to be a "career" it can't just be waitressing in my parent's eyes. They'd get mad about that too. Also getting a new job is difficult for me because I have terrible anxiety which I am working on...so I have to build myself up before I can even apply. Although if I go the route with my boyfriend I do think I should at least do something part time.

Because of all this my stress, anxiety, and depression are killing me. I just need outside opinions to help me think. I know you can't make my decision for me but any advice you can offer is welcomed. Or even your own stories of following/not following your dreams and how it turned out for you. Thanks for reading this it means a lot. I hope it didn't come across and whiny or bratty. I'm really grateful for all the privileges I've had in life and I'm really fortunate. I just feel so lost... (Also not really sure where I was supposed to post this..)