He doesn’t want the sex that I want

I should preface by saying that since I’ve started taking anti-anxiety meds I’ve felt more “myself” than I have in many years (I’m only 23 y/o). With this new-found sense of wellness a path of re-discovery has laid out before me. Now that 90% of my brain power isn’t fixated on ruminating thoughts, I actually have the capacity to think about what I want out of life, what makes me feel good and everything in between.

Which bring me to my next point: my sexual inclinations and desires. I’ve always fetishized sexual control (secretly when I was younger), by the time I was an early adult I was beginning to act on those desires.

My fiancé came into the picture when I was 19. At this point I knew full-well what satiated my sexual desires and was quite vocal throughout most of our relationship. In fact, our very first sexual encounter was everything I like: he was confident, assertive and commanding. Granted, I did get him high on cannabis so he may have been more relaxed & unhinged. Nonetheless, he looked at me like I was a snack and did exactly what HE wanted to do to me.

Fast forward to today, and our sexual experiences are pretty much always the same. He’s very gentle and timid. Don’t get me wrong, I like gentle, sweet and powerful love-making sometimes; but I also want to be controlled and dominated a good amount of the time. I’ve told him many, many times what type of sex I enjoy, but a big part of the fantasy for me is HIM WANTING to have sexual control over me, if he doesn’t actually WANT to have power over me, there’s no use pretending...I try to lead by example of what I want him to do when I initiate sex, but he’s still very timid.

Unfortunately, I’ve recently found myself being attracted to the *attractive* men that look at me like they’ve thought of exactly what they would do to me if given the chance. One man I encounter regularly (works the counter at my gym) sees my ring and still has absolutely no shame in creating major sexual tension during interactions. Truthfully, seeing someone lust after me so bad makes me flood (down there) and I feel guilty that I’m even thinking about other men giving me the pleasure that I really want from my fiancé.

My fiancé and I are best friends and I absolutely cherish his feelings and desires. I love him. He’s beautiful inside and out + has an amazing penis. I’m just SO sexually frustrated; how can I convey my sexual needs in a way that he will take seriously? What if he really isn’t into the sex that I want?