In his genetic code?? Is he right?

Question

Hi ladies. This is my first time posting here but I really need some advice, I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or if I have a right to be kind of upset about all this.
 Ok so, my SO and I work together, we met at work and have been dating for about 2 and a half years now. Hes never given me any reason to doubt him or worry about him cheating or anything like that but I do have insecurity issues from a past relationship (issues that hes aware of and that we have discussed and I am working on as best I can) ANYWAYS theres this woman that we work with that started working there almost a year ago now and her and my SO are both managers at work so I understand that they are going to talk and its part of his job to talk to the other managers etc. but the issue I’m having is that I am kind of friends with her, we text and talk a lot at work BUT I have caught him checking her out several times (staring at her butt or at her chest) and its making me feel like shit because shes in better shape than I am and alwaysssss has her hair and makeup done up at work rlly nice and overall I just feel like shes prettier than me. And everytime I’ve caught him staring at her he denies it and makes me feel like I’m seeing things and like I understand that guys sometimes check out other women but do you have to do it right in front of me?? And to my friend?? 
Its frustrating me a lot and its  been causing arguments between us and he just keeps telling me that I just need to “get over” this issue that I have. But yesterday we talked about it and he admitted that he does check her out and said that “its in mens genetic codes” to do that and that its “really hard to fight that urge” and I don’t know how to feel about all of this. I’m upset because this has been happening for months and hes been telling me that I’m just seeing things but now hes telling me that it IS happening. 
But I’m really frustrated with myself  for even being upset about it because I know that hes allowed to find other women attractive :( but him saying that its part of his genetic code is like basically saying “get used to it”. Right?? Am I overreacting? Or should I be able to expect him not to check out women at work in front of me, especially my friends? 
Sorry for the length I just really need to vent about it and any advice would be appreciated

Answer

No it's not in their genetic code. He needs to learn RESPECT

Answer

What a load of bull 💩. Genetic code has nothing to do with choosing to be a disrespectful toolbag. My husband looks at other women but NEVER in a disrespectful way and has NEVER made me feel like anything other than the most beautiful person on earth.

Answer

That is an excuse. We are all human and check out people but it’s all about respecting your SO.

Answer

Genetic code is ridiculous but fighting over someone that isn’t a threat because of the way they look is also ridiculous. Even if she wasn’t your friend, I’m sure you’d still be upset. He needs to find respect and be mindful of his wandering eyes but let’s be realistic. If you saw a dream boat of a man standing in front of you that looks like he walked out of a magazine, would you look away and think “oh my god my boyfriend is watching me!”..? Nooooo most likely not.. finding other people attractive, especially when they do something or the other person isn’t used to seeing something (hair, makeup, outfits everyday), it’s infatuating. You made yourself clear that it makes you uncomfortable but you need to stop fighting every ounce of it. You will lose a friend over this pettiness. You will start treating her differently. She will be the one that gets stepped on because of your husbands wandering eyes. You and your husband will always be attracted to other people out of human nature but as long as you’re committed and make boundaries clear, there should be no issues. My advice with this would be to stop putting yourself down about this. She’s not prettier. She’s not more unique. She’s not going to steal your man. She’s herself and as long as you keep being yourself, all will be well. You do need to get over this unless you plan to quit your job or not be friends with this woman.. this is so small and it’s eating you alive. No more. You are beautiful. You are in a relationship. You do have a successful job. For 2 years he’s never made you feel less than you are and it’s still true. Trust it. Don’t let the stress of your past relationship’s insecurities meddle their way into a good one.

Answer

bulllllshit he’s just saying excuses to get away with it. Drop him

Answer

I'm no expert but I do know quite a bit about human evolution, and there's actually no genetic predispositions that make men more likely than women to cheat, desire sex, or display overly sexual behaviour, despite what some people think (or try to use as an excuse). Although men are statistically more likely to cheat than women, it's due to a combination of other social, cultural, and psychological reasons. 
As for my personal opinion and experience - people in monogamous relationships are going to occasionally feel attraction to other people, but being committed to someone means knowing when that attraction is beginning to get out of hand, and prioritising you and your relationship. It's completely possible and reasonable to expect him to stop his gawking/ over texting, especially with a work colleague who he shouldn't be doing these things to anyway.

In his genetic code?? Is he right?

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