I’ve been with my SO for 7 months and I love so many things about him. We’re long distance (have been for 4 months and it is going really well) and we met while I was abroad. We’re getting pretty serious, but I wanted to see if anyone else can relate with me regarding my mental state when I’m around him.

Sometimes, nothing happens. These are “good days.” Often, however, I have tons of doubts in my mind about:

• if I really love him

• if I find him attractive (especially in some areas - for instance - his hair or his jawline)

• if I think we’ll last

• if he’s moral enough, especially since he’s really funny and some of his humor revolves around sexual things which make me doubt his maturity (note: he is moral and mature or else I wouldn’t be with him. However, this doubt will still creep in)

• if my family likes him enough (note 2: they generally love him)

• if sometimes not having overwhelmingly passionate feelings means I don’t love him

• how I’d feel if he proposed

• if I should pursue this other guy I used to like, even though I like my current bf more

• if, when we kiss or make out (I’m 21 and he’s 18 but we’re not sexually active for religious reasons), I’m actually enjoying it or just hoping I’m enjoying it

When I was in high school, I thought these doubts meant I didn’t like my boyfriends and I should break up with them. It gave me a lot of guilt. With G, however, I really fought the feelings when they started about 2 months in. I didn’t want to break up because I thought I wanted to be with him forever (I even told my mom the day we started dating that I thought he might be the one I married). I looked up my symptoms, especially related to feeling worn out and emotionless, I discovered the term “Relationship OCD” (ROCD). This seems very likely to be what is happening to me.

It was relieving to know that it wasn’t just that I wanted to leave him, but it was still overwhelming to realize my brain isn’t programmed for a “normal” love experience. It’s gotten better, but still interferes with our relationship sometimes. Does anyone else have experience with this and can give some advice?