Looking for some advice and I feel like impartial strangers on a message board might see things more clearly than my close friends.

Background: My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and I’m almost 8 weeks pregnant. He works in public safety so his hours aren’t set in stone (12-24 hour shifts, he frequently gets late calls) and we have had a long-standing issue with him communicating when he will be home (when he’s able, not when he’s on a call but if he’s held over at work for a different reason, like talking to a coworker for 45 minutes) while I’m trying to prepare dinner around his schedule to make sure it’s hot and ready when he gets home. Recently there was an incident where he was out of town with the guys and was supposed to be home in the early afternoon but didn’t message me until 9pm to say he was going to be late (in a blizzard) and after a pretty big fight I thought we were finally seeing eye to eye.

ANYWAY so I have been sick for the past week and fell behind on the housework. My husband texts me after I got to work yesterday to let me know he had asked some friends over for dinner. He was working his side job that day so I asked if he could please help me clean the house before we had guests and he said that he would, and that he would also go to the grocery store for me so i would have the ingredients to make dinner. Fast forward to almost 5pm, he calls me to let me know that they would be another 40 minutes on the job site and that some of our friends would be at our house around 6.

It takes me 40 minutes to get from the office to the town I live in. I had to swing by the grocery store because he didn’t, and by the time I got home the first few guests were arriving at my very messy house. Anyone that knows me knows that I do NOT like having guests if my house is a mess, it doesn’t matter to a lot of people but I had a military upbringing so it’s very deeply instilled in me that things need to be presentable.

I was stressed and rushed trying to cook dinner because based off the time he gave me for when he was leaving work, they would be expecting dinner around 6:30. They were working a very hard manual labor job and he mentioned they were hungry and would be ready to eat as soon as they got home.

Fast forward to 7, I haven’t heard anything from my husband and he’s not home yet. The guests (that he invited) are waiting on dinner. I find out from one of our guests (the girlfriend of a guy my husband was working with) that the guys hadn’t left work yet. My husband hasn’t said anything to me since he called at 4:45. Finally at 7:30 my husband tells me they’re leaving (the job site was 45 minutes away.)

My issue is not that they were late, but the lack of respect I felt. He invited guests over and then did not have the courtesy to let me know he would be running late when not only my dinner plans, but the dinner plans of our guests depended on it. He says that because he was busy at work it clears him of any wrongdoing and I can’t fault him.

Maybe I’m pregnant and overreacting, but I feel like this is a huge disrespect to me, the value of my time, and our guests. I tried to convey this to him, and it turned into a HUGE fight because he refuses to see anything wrong with not communicating. I think it’s a respect thing, he says it’s “not worth his 2 seconds to do” because he’s busy.

Y’all, I really need an outside opinion because I’m hormonal as can be and can’t think straight. Am I totally overreacting or is it basic decency to update someone when it affects the dinner plans you forced them into? I know this sounds small, but I feel like it’s the reflection of a much bigger issue. I’ve tried to convey this to him and he’s saying our problems are all because I overreact. Now that I’m pregnant I feel like my whole view of my husband is shifting and I’m seeing all these red flags, but maybe I AM overreacting?

Any outside take on this would be great. I appreciate it!