Doubting myself 😩

As women I know our bodies were designed to give birth but I am honestly starting to doubt myself. Pelvic exams have been really painful and traumatizing for me. I recently got my cervix checked to see how dilated I was and it was awful. I’m always left wanting to curl up in a ball and cry after those kind of things. As soon as it was over I said, “I don’t know if I’m ready for labor” little did my partner and the nurse -who laughed- know I was kind of serious.

My partner was awesome. He has been there with me several times where I got pelvic exams done and after it was over he had to hold me while I cried so he knows how it goes already. This time he kept reassuring me that I took it like a champ for having the ladies whole hand in there. Which was surprising to me because I felt like my face and body language said otherwise.

I’m just so scared like how am I supposed to handle my baby coming out of there if I can even take a pelvic/cervix check. I definitely think I will be going for the drugs I wanted to try natural but honestly F that. I have sat and thought to myself “what if i just asked for and c section instead it would be so much easier” but I know the healing process is so much different. I probably sound like a complete p***y to you guys who have already done this but this has truly been bothering my mental state lately.