I had my twins sophomore year of college, got married, and finished college on time. I’m proud of myself and I feel accomplished because looking back, that was freakin hard. But at the same time, it’s depressing because I lost pretty much all of my friends from both high school and college. I still talk to my college friends here and there, but my group of friends from high school still gets together all the time. They live in the city all walking distance from each other and are always doing fun things, going out, being normal 25 year old people and I’m home raising my 3 year old twins and pregnant with our 3rd baby. I like my life and feel blessed, but I also get extremely sad when I see their Instagram stories when they’re out to eat/drink/party together and I’m the only one not there. I was totally replaced and I feel constantly reminded of that 🤭😞 I have new friends now but they’re all 30+ years old. Which is a 5+ year age gap. And I’m beyond thankful to have them, having mom friends is one of the many things that makes motherhood so great. But I feel so immature compared to them, because I am. And that’s to be expected I guess - it just contributes to me feeling out of place.

On top of what I already wrote, I’m a stay at home mom. And while I know that is another blessing, I always pictured myself with a fast-paced career. I was on track for that with my internships and recruitment before getting pregnant, and now it is over 3 years later and I still feel like all of that was ripped away from me. I know I still could choose to work, but at this point I have my kids and would feel too guilty. Yet had I never gotten pregnant in the first place, I’d be working my dream job, being a normal 25 year old, likely living in the city with my husband. I am not wishing my kids away, just wondering what could’ve been... I feel so washed up and irrelevant/out of the loop.