Ok so big rant, a little over a year ago I cut my dad out of my life, I lived with my mom and I was physically safe and ok but I was still a minor and felt like I was doing something wrong cutting him off. So now it’s around the anniversary of me going through that and these feelings are starting to come back and overwhelm me again and he started texting me again to a point where Ive blocked his number. And a year ago it was the biggest and most horrific thing I’ve ever gone through and I cried for months over it and I still do and I’m afraid of men because of how he treated me, but I wish I could have that be my main problem again because my life is just so hellish right now. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer last January and she fought hard for 14 months and never lost her light, not even in the last moments. On March 29th I lost my best friend in the whole world, my person, to cancer. And two months later I’m still so fucking mad and in shock. I’ll feel numb for days or weeks and then all the emotion will hit me at once and I feel like I can’t move or breathe all I can do is stand still while everyone else in the world moves on with their lives. And I’m taking out my anger on other people and I feel like such a dick. Ever since it happened my stepdad has been a dick to me, I don’t know why but it’s at a point where my mom has even been calling him out on it and ive been spending the last few weeks working or doing anything to stay out of the house to avoid him now that schools out and I’m so emotionally exhausted by that because I’m not accustomed to staying out late or going out every day. And on days that I work he’s usually a little better so I can be home after work but they keep cutting my hours and this sounds so depressing but my shitty minimum wage job is kind of my safe place right now because it’s my escape from the rest of my life and I was expecting at least 25 hours a week for summer bc my old manager would give me lots of hours when there wasn’t school but I have a new manager who never gives me hours and I really wish I could text my best friend about this but I can’t so I’m posting it here instead