Here’s to being an emotional wreck. Sharing my morning.

My day took a wild turn...

A few weeks ago I had an abnormal pap come back, my friend died of cervical cancer just months ago...now I’m not one to jump to conclusions but fuck it brought all the emotions back of her death.

I’m 14 weeks pregnant so I’m already an emotional wreck. My husband knew I was scared shitless of the colposcopy in general. I’m a compete baby when it even comes to paps...thanks to my past of being drugged and taken advantage of at a party one night...but that’s the past. So he took off work this morning to come with me.

I wake up this morning to him feeling guilty to have to take off work and explaining he can’t make it a habit because it’s not easy on his business. At this point I’m sideways because I really wanted him to “want” to be there for me and I quickly sobered up to realize that wasn’t really the case...I told him if he really was that stressed to go ahead to work and I would figure it out...and he did.

So I’m tearing up on the way to my appointment...during my check in...i feel like a blubbering idiot. I never cry in front of people...I’m really not emotional. Turns out I had abnormal cells in a few different places and they were cut out in four different spots...I felt all of it.

So here’s to being incredibly embarrassed, in pain, and stupid emotional. But guess what? My baby is healthy and I pray I dodged a bullet.

I got myself an expensive bomb ass lunch and I’m going to stuff my face and do what ever the hell I want for the rest of the day and turn my phone off.

****I hope to share this so other lady’s know that life doesn’t go as planned sometimes and it can feel like you’ve fallen on your face but in the end you have to be there for yourself!!!!. ****