So I’ve finally decided my next step. I guess I should start with. I cannot have kids without medical help. Because of what my body went through after I miscarried a few years ago. For some reason it changed my body and well like said I will need medical help to have kids. With that being said. I had met someone. He was so freaking wonderful. He made me feel so special, beautiful, and confident... He supported me on all my hopes and dreams and I was not hesitant at all to reciprocate those feelings and support. He made me fall in love. Hard, and a bit fast. Well we met each other’s families. Talked about our future together, than all of a sudden he breaks it off with me. Saying he isn’t ready for a relationship. Saying “it’s not you, it’s me.” I feel like it was me though. Like I wasn’t enough to make him happy... Well after that I dropped him off at his house. (This was the day after he met my family.) And literally cried my eyes out. Don’t get me wrong I have been super depressed for months now. I just kept it to myself thinking I would be fine. Like usual. My problems would eventually fade along with the pain. But this...this drove me over the edge. It broke me. I still feel broken, and for the first time in my life I have felt like I don’t know how to pick the pieces back up. Well after talking to a friend. He helped me. He helped me understand that sometimes you need people. Sometimes it is better to let them help you with your pain. Like the pain of losing my aunt to lupus whom is also my best friend (she hasn’t passed away she is just getting worse). And the fear of losing my best friend in the Marines... the fear of the future. And the fear of my depression. So like I said at the beginning of this post. I have decided my next step. I will be going to college. Finding a very good job. So that I may have a stable house. So that I can afford everything that I will need to adopt a baby. I have chosen the path where I will not wait for a man to come into my life to start a family. I can do this all on my own and I will. And I will love that child like it is my very own. I have finally decided that maybe there isn’t a man out there for me. Maybe I was never meant to find love. And as much as that breaks me down more. I accept that. So therefore I will create my own family. And I will do my best to give the baby that I adopt the world.