So much guilt and shame

I have been through a roller coaster of emotions this past week since my surgery. But right now I can’t help but feel guilty and ashamed, and want to place blame even though I feel horrible about that, too.

I just want to know why! Why did I have an ectopic pregnancy in what we thought was my good tube? Why is my other tube a hydrosalpinx? Did I have an old infection without any symptoms? Why did my doctors never offer any STD/STI testing or even explain these risks to me as I was prescribed oral contraceptives? Especially when the most common infections are usually asymptomatic! Why did no one educate me on this? I was always in long term monogamous relationships. I never thought this could happen to me. This might have been prevented. 💔👼