Delivery Room Attendees

Last year, at the end of November, my husband and I separated with the intent to get a divorce. This wasn’t the first time we had separated. Neither of us were happy, although to this day, he still won’t admit he was unhappy but when someone distances themselves from you as often as possible, it’s clear.

To our surprise, about 3 weeks later, we found out we were expecting our first child and I was 6 weeks pregnant. I had already casually started seeing someone else. To be clear, I was NOT seeing this man until AFTER we had separated. I live in Missouri and if you aren’t aware, there is a law in place that does not allow a couple to divorce if the woman is pregnant. You have to wait until the baby is here.

I was in complete shock. We had tried to get pregnant previously with no luck but the very last time we had sex, we got pregnant. I was tracking it because I stupidly thought that we could save our marriage with a baby so at that point, we were still trying.

I was at a crossroads, I knew that I was going to keep the baby but I came from a very broken family. My parents divorced when I was two and when they remarried, they each had constant fights with their new spouses...this continued throughout my entire life. I didn’t want my child to grow up in a world like this.

I had to tell my husband and I had to tell the man I was seeing. I didn’t think it was fair to lie to either of them. So I did. My husband asked if we were getting back together. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted and definitely wasn’t healthy for the baby. The man I was seeing asked if the baby’s dad still wanted to be in the picture, which he did. He also asked me if I still wanted to try to make our newly developed relationship work. I knew that I did.

So as time has gone on (I’m currently 33 weeks and 5 days) they have only been in the same room twice. They barely talk to each other. I know it’s awkward for them both. This is a completely unconventional situation. But it is our situation.

Yesterday I spoke to my husband about the delivery room. We’ve talked about it a couple times and he doesn’t want my boyfriend to be in the delivery room. The problem I have with this is that my boyfriend and I have both made it clear that we see a future with each other. He doesn’t plan on going anywhere and neither do I.

I’ve tried to explain several times that I want him in the room to support me. It doesn’t have anything to do with the baby. My husband just doesn’t see it that way and he feels like he’ll be looking at a stranger during one of the most important moments of his life.

I tried to explain that I need more than just him in the delivery room. I’m not close with my parents and my sister is only 16 (so I don’t want to scar her lol). When I think about who I want in the delivery room, those are the only two people I would even consider. Obviously my husband because it’s his baby too but my boyfriend who I see a true future with, who has been incredibly supportive through my entire pregnancy and has been there for me and the baby.

I just don’t know what to do or how to help him understand the importance of me being able to make this decision. Help.