Is this out of line?

Question

Okay so. Based on something that just happened to me today. My son is staying a couple nights with my dad and step mom. Hes 3. 
She hits me up and out right says:
"You need to have Dom evaluated for autism. He has Sooooo many symptoms"
And immediately i was like

Im generally not very close to her and she has little tact in the first place but i humored her and asked what she meant. She said oh well hes smart and gets super focused when hes doing something. 
And im just. Is this something that makes sense to bring up to someone if you arent infact a doctor or specialist? Lol am i overreacting because i dont like her that much? (Which is totally possible) But wheres the line? Is there one? Could this be brought up better? Would you bring up to someone you are or arent close to that you think their child is on the spectrum, or even any other kind of situation like sensory processing disorder?

Answer

If she had experience with children with autism and knew the signs and symptoms very well, I might consider listening to her...  but if it was just out of the blue, I would ignore her.
She absolutely could have worded it and brought it up in a better way no matter what though! Definitely tactless.

Answer

That doesn’t make sense. 
Being smart and focused are not indicators of autism. People who have autism may also be very intelligent and focused on their tasks, but definitely not all are. 
If someone mentioned that to me, I’d take it with a grain of salt. I’d look up actual major red flags for the issue. If my child had any of them, then I’ll mention it to her pediatrician or behavior therapist. If not then I’d ignore it. 
As for if I’d ever say something to someone... it depends. If I’m close to the family and feel like I know the child well enough to comment, yes I’d mention it if I saw legitimate concerns over time. But they’d have to be pretty big red flags, or the parents would have to ask me for my opinion first. But if I don’t know the child or the family that well, it’s not my place to say anything like that, even if asked.

Answer

I would only bring it up if the parents brought up their concerns to me first, like if you went to her and said you were worried about some behavioral traits he's been expressing and she then said oh, this this and this could be a symptom...it would make sense in that context 
Or if she works professionally with autistic kids and can recognize it, that would also make sense. But since neither scenarios are the case and it sounds like she doesnt know what she's talking about, it seems a bit out of line

Answer

Pretty normal reaction. Even though being on the spectrum is completely out of your control you can't help but take it as a personal attack on your parenting. They probably mean well but they should also trust that you're a responsible parent and would get things like that taken care of without prompting

Answer

Is that the only reason as to why she thinks he has autism???  I'd be like yeah well he's hit all his milestones and his Dr isn't worried so neither am I.

Answer

Oh man a lady once tried to tell my mom I needed an autism veal when I was around 3/4
My mom went FULL MAMA BEAR on that lady. Mind u my moms a physician assistant so this lady was literally tAlking out of her ass. 
Tbh I doubt that’s what is happening with your son. He could just be the type of kid that actually like to finish tasks instead of get side tracked. I’d be more concerned if he was displaying frustration or in-completing tasks etc.

Answer

That is not my job as I’m no health professional. I leave that to doctors and the kids parent and it’s NONE of my business if it’s not my kid. I’d be offended

Answer

The way she brought it up was rude.. but like another comment said, if she had/had prior knowledge of autistic children or has been around them, and if she believed that your kid was having the same characteristics, than yeah.. I’d probably listen to her and maybe study him a litttttttle more. 
I’m only saying this because I have 3 autistic children in my family who I always babysat and when my friends son was 2 years old, I started noticing little things here and there that seemed fairly similar to how my nephew and nieces would act. So I brought it up to her, and she took it soooo badly. And didn’t listen, until someone else told her and finally she brought it up to her sons pediatrician, and they went to a specialist, and he had been diagnosed with mild autism. 
Maybe just hear her out. You honestly never know. Like yeah that’s your kid and you don’t ever want to think the worst about something that can be wrong with them, but it’s best to get it checked out sooner than later.

Answer

I feel like if you feel it stepped over the line, then there’s a legitimate reason for that.  Does she have a history of being critical with you?  It’s also possible she was trying to be helpful, but you know your son and if you don’t think there’s any validity to her concern I’d just tell her thanks for looking out for him, but his docs have no concern.

Answer

I wouldn't bring it up unless it was potentially very serious.
I think you are right to say she lacked tact, and I think she's being a bit overzealous and jumping to conclusions.

Is this out of line?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey