I need to vent a little, well a lot lol.

My sister in-law is my best friend. We both thought we would get to be pregnant together. We talked about our kids growing up together, taking them to the park, buying matching outfits. The whole thing. Well, she got pregnant in two months, and it took me 18.

During that time I was a rollercoaster of emotions. All while being very truly happy for her, I myself went through depression, anger, and all the way back to we got this, it’s going to be ok.

When my niece got here she was a joy to be around. Sure there would be times I would leave her house and just sob that it wasn’t me yet. But I never did anything around my sister in-law.

When my niece was about two months my SIL reconnected with a old friend who had a six month of baby. Mom friends instantly! At first it wasn’t anything I thought about, obviously she would get mom friends lol. But quickly it became ALL my SIL talked about. About how they all did this, how the babies did that, how her friend was blah blah blah. She had this magically way for bringing up her friend and her baby into any conversation we were having.

At my lowest point of TTC that become so hard for me to hear. I didn’t care they were friends, but I didn’t want to hear about it constantly. I just had to sit back and smile and watch my SIL live the life I thought I was going to have with her with someone else.

Eventually I talked to my SIL because she kept trying to have me meet this new friend. I had to tell her I didn’t want to be a part of their mom group. It literally had nothing to do with that friend in particular, but I explained that TTC has been hard, and it’s hard for me to watch that friendship right now. I thought I explained myself well, and my SIL seemed to really understand and empathize because she didn’t realize what I must be feeling. So all was good, I thought.

Then barley a week later she tells me she talked to her friend about how I felt. And I couldn’t have been more pissed off! Her reasoning was that her friend really wanted to meet me, and she wanted to tell her what I’m dealing with so she would understand too. I was so hurt that she told this stranger not only the private matter of me TTC, but then the embarrassing fact that I’m jealous and hurt about the friendship she gets to have with my SIL.

At the time this girl was understanding. But as time went on she started getting upset at me for not wanting to be friends. This girl, who I’ve never met, who had nothing to do with my life all of a sudden was such a freaking headache. And honestly, all because my SIL told her something she shouldn’t have.

In an attempt to not write and entire novel about this, fast forward to now. I’m FINALLY FREAKING PREGNANT! And I don’t even know how because we were scheduled to see a infertility specialist two weeks before my BFP!

A month prior to my BFP I met this girl at my nieces birthday party. I said hi and was nice and friendly, but I spent the time with my friends and family at the party. Which apparently was taken as a direct slight towards her 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, now this girl wants to be super friends. She’s been giving my SIL her old baby stuff to give to me. Which is nice, but this is my first baby and I want new specific things. And there is this crazy pressure that now we have to be friends.

Why guys!!? Why can’t my SIL just be this girls friend, and that be that!!? We have plenty of non-mutual friends, for the life of me I don’t understand. I’be already acknowledged that my jealousy over their mom-ship was dumb, and I said that to my SIL the first time I brought it up, I was just trying to be honest as to why it hurt to constantly hear about them. I really feel like if my SIL would have respected my privacy and not told her friend anything, then maybe now that I’m in a better place we could of been friends. But I just don’t see how that can happen, I don’t even want it to happen.

It just seems like such a dramatic thing to have happened for no reason, and I don’t know how to get it to stop.

Anyway, long rant over lol