Not fit to be a parent

My son was born March 6th 2019.

We never bonded that day or any of the days following. I got lower and lower into this dark hole until today. Baby will be living with grandma for the time being. I do feel sad but so relieved too. pregnancy was hell from day one. I was mean and terrified. If only I would have had more help and understanding. Being so beat down through out the whole pregnancy left me in a horrible mental state, then adding on a newborn broke me. I have decided I will never have anymore children. I am not fit to be a parent. No doctor will tie my tubes yet but they will tie my husbands.

I know that a good mom would feel way more upset not to have their baby but I just don’t. He’s been gone for a few days already and I don’t want him back. I don’t know what the future holds, maybe I will be able to be a parent at some point but right now I cannot be that parent.

I hope anyone in a similar situation is doing alright.