i don’t think i love my mother anymore. for the past two years or so i’ve tried CONVINCING myself that i do, and everytime i get close to trying to like her again, she does some bullshit.

this morning my dog peed on the carpet and in order to get it up we use washcloths. my mom hates when good washcloths are used, so i looked for old ones and THERE WERE NONE, NOWHERE. i HAD to use a good one or else the pee would sink into the carpet and she’d be even more pissed. so i use the washcloth and she comes storming downstairs screaming and hollering about how i’m using a good washcloth. i’m trying to explain to her that there are no good ones left and she just doesn’t listen to me at all and keeps screaming and complaining and so i just leave.

she calls me back to let me know that the washcloth i used is now “my washcloth” meaning she wants me to wash myself with it, covered in pee. fuck her. i can’t fucking stand her anymore and i wish i could move out TODAY (i leave for college next month). she’s literally the root cause for all my stress induced headaches and stomach aches and i wish i could just be away from her already. living with her is like living with a fucking monster that constantly breathes down your neck and you have to walk on thin ice with everything you say or do.

i just can’t love her anymore.