More kids?


So i have a 3 1/2 month old at home so obviously I'm not planning anything any time soon. Except I sort of am. My husband wants kids close to in age, like 18 months apart so we're looking at January to try again. But part of me doesn't want more..

1st: I had an easy pregnancy, I know that, I have no illusions that it was hard by any means. But I hated it, I hated not being able to do whatever I want, eat what I want and sleep through the night. I just didn't feel that glow, that connection or whatever while pregnant and I don't really want to do it again.

2nd: I want my daughter to have siblings but I also don't want to take away her love and attention. I love her so damn much, I want to give her everything and I know the more kids we have the less I can give her..

3rd: I had no idea it would be so hard, I love her, and most days are great. The grand majority of days are great but when they're bad, they're really bad. I'm only 26 and I don't want to do this newborn stage again, it's terrible, I hate seeing her so miserable when I can't do anything for her. It's just emotionally exhausting.

I just don't know how to talk about this you know? My husband has always been about a big family and he's also very closed off emotionally. It's not that I've made up my mind about anything, but I want to talk about it.

Thanks for for listening to me rant.